flash back

anyone can be an actor. well, everyone is an actor. it really depends on how well one can act. we must really reward ourselves for acting so well.... however, it all boils down to only one thing. nobody cares anymore.

we have a history behind us. try as we might, it is hard to erase it totally away, and at once. i'm speaking for myself. i've learnt the hard way. it is impossible to take something away totally, but let time heal everything. be patient, and one day, everything will be fine again. what's the point in crying over spilt milk? nobody is willing to do something about it, everyone has stopped caring already. is it the road that we are heading when we embarked on this journey? lately then not, i've been questioning everyone's intentions. that is what happen when i'm alone at home most of the time. i welcome this solitude. have been missing it for a while. no expectations to face, just my own. who am i kidding? nobody can survive totally alone, but perhaps, i can, for a while.... facing up to the decisions i have made, accepting the consequences, relishing in what has been already done.

is this it? when one has managed to forget another totally? i don't know... i'm still waiting for that apology which i know will never come. perhaps, waiting is the wrong context. u owe me an apology i guess. i have been trying so hard to reconcile what u feel, what i feel, what is right and what is wrong. in the end, i'm facing it all alone, the catalyst to my decision? peishan says that my tolerance level is very high. haha, i do not deny it, it's pretty high, well, what's done has been done. i should stop running away and face up to these issues in my life.

once, everyone avoided each other, shying away from prevalent issues, trying to not create trouble? i'm the rebellious child, making things difficult for everyone, which, perhaps, is just my voice crying out, "pls, take a look at me. not everything is fine." maybe i should have make things clearer? but that's just not me, and i don't think that i should change so much just because i'm not accepted. once, i can change the way i am. i'm willing to change for the person i love, the people i care about, till i realise, that nobody is willing to do that for me. now, everyone has become the happy family, because, they are tired, and wants to be together. as the rebellious child, i'm happy for them. perhaps, the happy family can truly share, rejoice together over ups and downs without feeling the shadow of the rebellious child. people are selfish, including myself. still trying to protect myself from all that could hurt me.

expiry dates. everyone talks about them. perhaps, it just came sooner then expected. if God allows me to forgive and forget everything that has happened, in the blink of the eye, i would have already done so. however, i just could now, no matter how hard i try. i have stopped trying, surrendered to God, to give me the peace and calm. i have the tranquility. just need the heart to forgive and forget. once again, it is time. time is still the ultimate remedy...

sigh, doing PA report.....

today is the last day of internship!!! haha.... andrew is damn nice... lucky us do not have to work! yay! we went to his PENTHOUSE.... oh my... it's so so cool!! i want mine too :D haha, hopefully, i'll be able to have the means in the near future...! we went around the company taking photos... i'll be missing szee ying a lot!!! she's a nice nice senior.... taught me lots of things with patience.... nice to talk to too.... really miss her alot... felt like tearing.... hopefully, we'll keep to the promise of meeting!! =) God gave us a reason for meeting the rest of the 7, and the people in the office.... hopefully, we'll keep in contact... :P

went to do my hair today... hopefully the colour comes out nice! =) went to chicago steakhouse today for dinner with twin sis... =) the food is not that particularly fantastic... :( time to slim down!!! found a new job (sorta) again... haha.... at least, most of my expenses will be taken care of... hehe.... =)

that's all.... the new week without work is gonna start again!! looking forward to it...!

Die Hard 4.0

caught die hard 4.0 yesterday... it's a nice show! it's a funny action-packed movie! at least there is no dull moment for me.... the storyline is about this guy who is cruxified by the US defence agency as he thought their system inadequate. there is room for more defence to be in place, thus, he set out to break the defence doors. however, the hacker that developed the logarithm was saved by the detective, as the bad guy wanted to destroy all evidences. as such, all the action began. can't help but think that asian talent is still not fully recognised despite being used in movies. maggie q barely spoke in the show, and was killed very early on... darn.... but she's damn cool! haha....

these few days are so tiring... reached home at about 11pm. and i have to wake up at 630am. everyday seems to be a blur.... haha... hopefully, for today, i can reach home at a relatively comfortable time so that i can rest... haha.... but i love meeting friends... =) many of them are leaving already, and it'll be quite long before i can see them again... :P

work work work... haiz.... boring... nothing to do... wasting time away...

and there's still that report looming.... sigh...

harry potter is gonna be out tmr! but i guess i'll have to catch it next week... =( haha... can't wait!!!

thinking of a certain someone...

Nah, No Sparks Right Now

You and your guy friend are just that... friends At least, that's how you see your relationship with him Could things change later? Of course - and you know that. Friends make the best boyfriends, so don't discount him completely.

Are You Crushing on Him (And Don't Even Know It)?

subjects registration

today was a nerve-racking time, registering for timetable.... oh my, haha, it's the first time that i don't actually get the subjects registered immediately.... haha.... but thank God, for giving me, always, what i really want. =)

well, today, back at the office, was really boring.... and my dear senior, gave me a job at the last minute.... i just have to finish it.... thanks to m and wy for waiting.... =)

went to treat dinner.... haiz.....

right now, i'm simply just full of acceptance that people will always be selfish and think for themselves. in the past, i do not have much proof, just by things i see, which may not be enough. now, hearing those words from your own mouth, i realise that, yes, people are just indeed selfish. well, that's life i guess.... live on... =)

money money money

something upsetting has happened to me, and i cried. sigh, it has been a long time since i've cried, and i'm proud of it. probably about half a year? haha.... damn it, this stupid incident has made me realise that everyone is selfish, and that i can't expect everyone to have good intentions right from the beginning... misjudge people, damn it, i've always done that....

from the beginning, i've always thought that when someone asks u for a favour, their will be some incentive given. with that assumption, that's why i agreed. i was tired that night, and may not have infer whatever u typed clearly. yes, that is my fault. however, i've never ever thought that you are not as simple as u seem. i've always believed that everyone is good, is that how i've always been bullied? no matter what u say about this whole incident, someone will always want to come out as though one has done nothing wrong. however, in this situation, u have wanted to resolve all blame which i find it very wrong.

when u propose to sell that damn thing to pay the amount back, i was stunned. seriously, i was. only someone, who just want to benefit from your own sale would have come out with that solution instead of finding one that benefits both ways. and when u say that u have become worse off, who hasn't? why is it that u are so bloody selfish to think that u are the only one that has suffered... and u were rude to my parents. granted that they said some unkind things about you, u have no right to say that, in the first place, u were the one who thought u could make a quick buck.

disappointed, truly disappointed in ppl. it seems as though, the people that i meet somehow harbour unpure intentions. sux.... i do not profess to have saintly behaviour, and i can't expect everyone to have the same thoughts as me, just that, it's damn unfortunate to have this stupid thing happen, especially one involving money.... i was feeling damn bad and all for thinking that i have caused this whole incident, till i was told that, i do not have to feel guilty and all, it's him who has the whole situation wrong.

suxs.... damn suxs....

2 more weeks to the end of internship.... i will miss the people here, but i will not miss being desk-bound. the audit outside of the company was more fun then anything else... haha.... hopefully, i have the energy and motivation to remain in this industry for long... =)

similarly, hope that i'm not being much too sensitive.... :D

transformers!

today is not considered a slow day for me, at least i stop looking at the watch many a times just to see how fast the day has progressed. it's just that my laptop is being kooky... it keep hanging!! damn, i hope it's not going to die on me soon.... sigh, i can see more money flying out already... so laptop dear laptop, please take good care of yourself.... =)

haha.... the time after lunch is just so sleepy.... perhaps, it has more to do with the fact of me watching transformers yesterday!! haha, it was a brillant show.... try to catch it! =) i had no intention of catching the show yesterday, but, i was slightly taken aback when ym asked me out for dinner, out of the blue, and we end up catching the show... haha... i love the movie... the effects were great, the actors believable... the sad thing, perhaps, megan fox, is kind of not acting? haha... that's just my personal opinion, but she's hot... oh boy is she..... love it love it! go watch it!!!

well, willing for time to pass quickly... i wanna go home!! haha.... =)

christina aguilera rocks!!!

it's such a great day that i decide that i must blog... went to christina aguilera's concert yesterday.... oh my!!! love it love it love it!!! she has such great showmanship compared to the other asian stars.... it is natural, instead of seeing it as just another show.... i can't help but compare the western singers with the asian counterparts.... oops.... haha.... don't regret at all, just a big black hole at the back of my pocket... haha....

had 2 dreams last night... both dreams are nice, but, dreams don't come true do they? perhaps, i've been thinking too much about boyfriends.... well, intern ppl, they are all happily attached, and when they talk about their other half, i can't help but wonder... well, at least, there's no more longing in my heart...

have been mapling like shit nowadays... alas, my mom thinks i'm having rendevous chats with guys who are out to cheat me.... the price of everything... haha.... well, at least, she does care and hopes to save me from big bad wolves... =)

so long, gonna try blogging more if i'm not mapling!!! bye...!