it seems as though all the thoughts i had in mind had disappeared. oh wells.... been away for quite a while, to be exact, 4-5 weeks. the first 3 was in europe, while the next 10 days were in australia. different places, different feelings. let's deal with the most recent one first:

australia.

we were in darwin and melbourne. darwin, i enjoyed the quietness. it was unlike singapore of course, a little town, with a small population. it's a pity that i didn't get to go around more places while i was there. perhaps, one day, but maybe not, many other places to visit.

melbourne, a bustling city. the shops close too early for my liking. well, different city, different culture. the first thing that struck me was the squareness of the city. everything street is well-labeled and organised. perhaps, a little too straight for my liking. but then, i feel right at home there, probably because of the vast asian population there. things are expensive there of course, oh wells, didn't have much time to explore the city throughly too. that's also a pity. will i return? hard to say, many other places to visit as well. haha. there's always many other places to visit.

expectations

perhaps, my expectations from the trip was very high. i thought that this is a group trip. since everyone agreed to go on the trip, there should be the effort to interact and make it a group thing, without any complicated relationship entanglements. as usual, i'm wrong. it was fun during the start, fun doesn't usually last. it was obvious that not everyone share my thoughts. people usually like to stick with what they know and am comfortable with, i can't argue with that. at least, i made the effort. even if nothing comes out of it, i've tried, and i can live with that. i'm idealistic, wanting the best, but it didn't materialise, but i've tried. once, i left, and i thought, it was a wrong decision. so, i try again now. it reaffirms the decision that i've made the first time i guess. it's time for me to acknowledge the truth that not everyone can hang around one another. perhaps, that's another facet of life that i have to learn.

perhaps, my actions also depict otherwise? sighs, what to do, can't really know what others think about me unless they say?

it's really great to be able to talk to you again. i really feel very comfortable around you. one of the few that i can share my thoughts as it is. i just don't understand, and till this day, i have not figured it out. there's this invisible barrier between us that always appear now and then. we don't really talk about it, yet, after a long period of not talking, we can still talk comfortably. i probably gave more thought to this friendship than i thought, and yet, things are always bumpy for us. move on. these 2 words seem equally hard for both of us. minor and seemingly unimportant things always magnify in my actions to u and vice versa. perhaps, that's the invisible barrier that is not worked out yet. competition? comparison? well, one day, God will show me the light of this friendship.

so, life, is really not a bed of roses. 2 more months of rest before starting work. have many things to sort out, basically, what i wanna do with my life. talk about my europe trip in the next entry. tired.... so long....