had a lovely day with my grandma and sister when we went to the flower exhibition at suntec city! many flowers.... haha.... one of my favourite things in the world... i just love seeing flowers... it got a little tiring at the end, my legs were absolutely killing me!! nevertheless, it was a nice day :)

few days left to freedom... sighs.... work is starting soon... sighs... the thought of meeting new people is kind of exciting, but, why oh why, am i still sighing... sighs....

i'm addicted to playing arcade games! oh my.... at this age and time.... haha....

some pictures at the exhibition!

it took me half a day to figure out what u were driving at last night. i must be really dense or the recent inactivity on my brain has really caused me to be incapable of thinking properly. haha. no matter what, nothing is gonna make me change my stance or mind on what i feel right now. the protective layer i had successfully wrapped around myself for the past year ain't gonna melt away just because what u said make sense. sometimes, even the most rational and logical response warrants illogical and irrational thoughts just so to keep out irritating thoughts and unnecessary heartaches.

i've finally figured out what i feel for u. it is a huge sense of relief because i've been too confused by recent going-ons that my judgement has been clouded. i think it's time that i face up to reality instead of trying to hold on to the unthinkable. it is too selfish that the "whatever" side of me can't even compromise with it. oh wells, another issue closed. :)

it's a tiring day today. went swimming and arcade! haha, didn't realise that at this ripe old age i can still enjoy arcade games. perhaps, it's all because of my parents who didn't believe in bringing us to the arcade to play when we were young! haha, trying to find my childhood now.

went prawning yesterday. didn't had much luck in catching one :( oh wells, prawning is not really for me, since, i don't really have much patience for doing nothing.... :)

final week of freedom. gonna try to enjoy it, in spite of the anticipation of work next week :(

some pictures from my convocation!

lovely rose from my sis :)


mom and sis:)


best friends of all time! hm and hq!



desmond! lovely surprise to see u there!


unclelemon!
oon tang! pri sch fren!! it's a long long time :)


group mates of the year!


5 lovely gals :)

hat throwing! finally!

peishan:)

eight of us.mag:)

To Be With You - Mr Big.

Hold on little girl
Show me what he's done to you
Stand up little girl
A broken heart can't be that bad
When it's through, it's through
Fate will twist the both of you
So come on baby come on over
Let me be the one to show you

I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you

Build up your confidence
So you can be on top for once
wake up who cares about
Little boys that talk too much
I've seen it all go down
Your game of love was all rained out
So come on baby, come on over
Let me be the one to hold you

Chorus

Why be alone when we can be together baby
You can make my life worthwhile
And I can make you start to smile

When it's through, it's through
Fate will twist the both of you
So come on baby come on over
Let me be the one to show you

one of my favourite song of all time :) the words are so simple, yet, went right through to a person. no matter what happens, one is not alone. there will always be someone to walk the journey with you, either good or bad ones. why cry for the one u lost? instead, be glad that the one you lost has not destroyed u yet, because, he made u stronger for the next one :)

i do not know you. yet, i feel for you. i have been on your side through this whole mess. girl power rules. been through, done that. no guy is worth your tears. the tears will fall, but they will stop one day. rejoice when that day comes. meanwhile, go through life knowing that u have so much more than him to live for. no matter what u have done, it's all in the past. let go. it's hard, who says giving up someone is easy? but it can be done. if he loves u, he will come back. if he's not trying, it shows alot, and u should not bother anymore.

heartfelt words from someone who is always supportive of guys who treat gals badly :)

no matter how hard i try to think that i'm not a substitute, i can't. perhaps, that's not your intention, but that's how i infer. oh wells, be there and done that. no one can make me something i'm not. i've started this game, and i can stop. it's been fun, but, perhaps, i'm just bored. yes, i'm hard-hearted. because,

1. guys lie to u all the time. they can't be trusted.

2. they hide things from u and expect you to be there for them all the time.

3. since guys can do it, so can i.

4. guys find substitute, just to allay their insecurities. why should u be the one to be the substitute?

5. at the end of the day, guys will disappear once their confidence have been built up by u.

6. screw guys.

F.I.R - 我们的爱

回忆里想起模糊的小时候
云朵漂浮在蓝蓝的天空
那时的你说　要和我手牵手
一起走到时间的尽头

从此以后我都不敢抬头看
彷佛我的天空失去了颜色
从那一天起　我忘记了呼吸
眼泪啊永远不再　不再哭泣

我们的爱　过了就不再回来
直到现在　我还默默的等待

我们的爱　我明白　已变成你的负担
只是永远　我都放不开　
最后的温暖　你给的温暖

不要再问你是否爱我　现在我想要自由天空
远离开这被捆绑的世界　不再寂寞

was listening to this song while having my daily walk. it reminded me of the MV i saw recently when i was at kbox. it was very touching. the love between two, once lost, will never come back. it left one party waiting silently for something that never can be. in the MV, it was about life and death. on a lighter note, ain't that true about most couples. the love lost, amidst anger and betrayal, will never be forgiven, unless one can overlook the mistakes of the other. this kind of love is truly noble and is what i called real love. however, it is only often seen in movies. in reality, true love only occurs when one go through sickness with their loved ones. have witnessed some of these moments, and it is truly unforgettable and heart-wrenching.

really tired today... felt very drained.... today is convocation day, finally, the day where i can wear the "four-sided" hat and feel proud of myself. somehow, i'm rather neutral about it. my spirits were lifted mildly when i went to cut my hair, iron my clothes, getting ready. the feeling of rejoice only hit me when i saw hm and hq, where we really took funny pics... haha, and saw some familiar faces which lighted up my day....

all in all, thoughts of finally being able to wear the hat.

i don't know, simply. it signifies another phase of my life. my career. if only i'm walking into a path where i know i'll be happy, probably, i feel more alive by it. nothing is certain, what makes me think that this current path i've chosen will not make me happy? because, i guess, people makes a big difference. i was just looking back into my university life, wondering what happy memories i have, and it took me quite a while to conjure up a satisfying picture. was i asking to much? or have i not grown up to accept the nasty of reality? perhaps, from all the things i think that makes me unhappy, my expectations were too high, those things doesn't make me unhappy, i was looking for far too much?

but then, it didn't really take much for me to answer what makes my uni life so memorable. the people i meet, definitely. internship was a very fun and happy time for me. meeting down-to-earth people, though very little, makes me feel as though all is not lost in the process of growing up and acknowledging realities of life.

seeing different people today brings back different memories and thoughts. primary sch friends, sec sch friends, jc friends and uni friends. some ppl come back with different status. oh wells, seeing more couples does make me feel a little lonely. and this also signifies acknowledging that things are gonna change drastically soon. i really feel old. oh wells, everything is in God's hands.

sometimes i wonder, what others really think of me. have not been thinking about that in a long time. the introvert me will always be taken over in social events. i've become very bubbly and cheerful. not that it's bad, sometimes, people will think u are being fake by over-reacting. saw it in an episode of ANTM cycle 10. thinking about it, it's gonna be more tiring when working. caring so much about how others see me, makes life seems so mundane and meaningless. living for others. ugh....

anyway, happy bday mom! hope u like the fish & co dinner!

gonna start work in 2 weeks :( hope that the overtly pessimistic me has been thinking too much negative thoughts. things will always turn out for the better!

post pics after sis is done....!

Try it! It's eerily true...

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

dear ps! miss u sorely.... wishing you all the best in mfa... let me know when u are out of work and we'll chill before all the whirlwind of school and work gets in the way... and also, don't think too much alright... life's good for you right now and i love to hear from you about *winks* take care!

today is a day of chores. haha, have not mopped the floor for a long time. it doesn't really help that i have a middle finger which seems to be sprained. and of all fingers.... life really works out interesting doesn't it. hope it doesn't get any worse. don't relish the thought of visiting the doc. my dislike for the doctors have not really gone away... hopefully, my piano playing doesn't get affected :(

disappointed in my friends. i guess, it's really the end for us. both of us played a part and i know that u don't see it that way. sighs, i have been blocking thoughts about u for about a month, and i have to face up to reality about it. sighs, does our friendship have what it takes to go through this rough patch? somehow, i don't think so. missing u? yes, definitely, a little. we've been friends for so long. God will show the way if this friendship is meant to last.... have faith, it's all that i have to do actually. as for u, hope that things work out for u in the long run. your life, career and friends :)

was writing in my physical diary today. it suddenly struck me that women are funny creatures. no matter how much a strong front that they present, inside is a vulnerability that is easily shaken by people. many have told me that i have the courage to stand up for myself, am determined, essentially, characteristics that attribute to strength. in spite of what i tell people, i have allowed this vulnerability to be shaken recently. whether by purpose or not, it has happened. oh wells, it's time that i learn my lesson once again from recent events. it's so easy to let one's emotions overwhelm and feel things that one doesn't normally feel. it's time to rearrange myself once again and be the person that i was not so long ago.

and i wonder, why did i ever put faith into you? anyone can be foolish, i'm no exception.

courage, many lack this. courage to admit that you are wrong. courage to apologize when you are in the wrong. courage, to admit your doings/wrongdoings. courage to say that one have insulted another. i've learnt this the hard way. perhaps, through maturity and experience, one can then build up and possess this courage. and i forget because i still can't believe how i allow myself to be swept into all these. as for me, i lack the courage to say i need your friendship, because, you have always shaken this vulnerability of mine. oh wells, as i said, i can also learn again.

another disappointment. i'll live.

extremity. singaporeans always have the inclination to see things this way. well, for matters of the heart, i do that too. haha, i'm human. other things, what can i say? we are in singapore.

expectations about responses have been met. my personality of being an analytical thinker has its merits. haha, yup, obviously, it's laughable.

next week promises to be a busy one :) good, i need some positive distractions in my life.

God Bless. :)

been pms-ing lately. feeling that i'm constantly in a bad mood. sighs, and i'm being too impatient to be students. sorry helen and matthew, i know that i'm not being the nicest teacher around lately. will try to be nicer next week. perhaps, the idea of work looming is taking a toll on me:(

yesterday was a tiring day. went to jb to eat and shop! haha.... ate lunch at kenny rogers. yum... after that, went shopping! bought 2 tops, a bag and a shop. it's official, i'm broke! sighs. seeing many nice things, but lack the financial capability to buy. it's not a nice feeling. i'll just have to wait for my first pay... sighs, what a long wait.... haha... for dinner, we went to this road side to eat sambal sotong, stingray and lala!!! my favourite is the sotong! haha... ate prawn mee, popiah and also oyster omelette! it's been a long time since the family went out together... nice.... :)

went swimming with the sisters today. very tired... need to rest... :)

i seem to always blog on a saturday. perhaps, need to release much added-on steam my students had given me during the day. also, having a bad sore throat. don't know if it's sore throat, but it just itches like crazy and i seem to be developing a cough :( sighs, hope it goes away soon.... nice day today though... aunt bl treated us to jap food! thanks :) also we managed to buy mom's bday present. and she likes it! cool!

had a nice dream last night, in fact, all of my dreams came true. kind of sucky for reality? because, dreams don't come true. oh wells, i can hope can't i??

have a nice week this week. went out to collect my stuff for convocation. met up with jy and wy. i've always enjoyed chatting to wy, somehow, this down-to-earth gal had the effect of opening my heart to sharing my complaints, opinions and musings about life. gal, life is very short, learn to live it to your own happiness :)

met up with gera after that. hmm, nice time catching up! it's always great to meet up and chat about family, friends, life and people. work life has started for u, and hope that we can keep in touch here and there :)

suddenly looking forward to convocation :)

today started off sleepy. i've purposely slept early, yet, still felt so sleepy. really wondering how am i gonna adapt when work starts :( sighs. many readings await me, but, i still can't get the drive and motivation to start reading them.

went to vch to catch a pianist, Christoper Taylor performing Goldberg Variations, BWV 988 by Bach. it was a wonderful peace. the theme resonate throughout the whole performance, and it was splendid. the second one wasn't so wonderful. perhaps, i need to learn to appreciate a seemingly calm variation without many changes in between. nevertheless, it has sparked off my interest and also motivation to go to more performances and concerts :)

more often than not, i keep thinking about my future. wondering, what will happen to me. not in the melodramatic sense, rather, do i want to be stuck here, in singapore, never accomplishing my dreams. i also thought of the courage that i need to possess to escape from here. i've never doubted the safeness of my country, my family and friends. but, there seems much to offer in life than staying here. always, the pasture is greener on the other side. but, if i don't venture out, will i ever know that the grass is the greenest in singapore?

i've never ever given you a chance before. however, after i came back from europe, i have been thinking about us, what u say. and i'm starting to care for you, looking forward to chatting with you. things and actions that i've never experience in a while. giving expectations is something that i will never do (once bitten twice shy), but somehow, i'm hopeful once again. hopeful that, perhaps, you can give me the courage to leave here, and pursue my dreams. i'm afraid, i might not have the courage once the expiry date i have given myself arrived.

thoughts. thinking far too much again. has not happened for a long time. good though. i need to think...

overall view of paris


the ticket says it all, the louvre!


some pieces from the louvre!

paintings!

ancient egyptian stonestained glass
Maman by Louise Bourgeois, famous sculpture....

night view of paris

just thought to share some pictures :)