i guess, putting down my thoughts in writing would make things clearer, or not. u see, it's really sad that i have my family who doesn't support me in most of the things i do. i should have expected that. that's how my family works. that is why, it doesn't really affect me. the shouting, the putting-me-d0wn, the criticisims, i can deal with it. i have expected it, that's why, i can deal with it.

however, i cannot accept the fact that my father, wants to lecture me, telling me the way to work in the corporate world. perhaps, i have stopped accepting advice from my father a long time ago. simply, he doesn't really take into account my ideas, my thoughts and my circumstances. oh hindsight, i know that he wants the best for me, trying to protect me from the "dangers" of the corporate industry. however, he has never asked me about the nature of my work, never sought to understand how my industry works, and yet he wants to fester an opinion. i just can't accept that. is it so hard to just talk nicely to me? is it so difficult to just ask me about my work nature? why is it that other parents see the good in their children but mine doesn't. why is it that they are so affected by little things that doesn't mean anything at the end of the day?

i really don't want to fight with my father. i think that i can never ask him for any advice, never be close to him any longer. no matter how hard i try to remember the good that he has done for me, these constant fights just linger in me. why is it so hard for him to accept that we have grown up? why is it so hard for him to accept our ideas? he doesn't have to accept it, but listening to it is just enough. is it so hard for him to do that? must he want to bring it to the point till that he just refuses to accept other people's point of view and turn everyone else away?

i guess, at the end of the day, i'll just live the way i always have had. no lasting enemies. with regards to my family of course. haha. if i am happy with my life, i can determine failure and success to my liking. i don't have to see failure and success from another person's eyes. at the end of the day, i'm not living vicariously. i'm still living my life.