ok. i'm bored again. haha. yes, really bored. waiting for manager. these 2 weeks are a blast. haha, working for managers who doesn't exert a huge amount of pressure on me. meeting up with friends. :) it was a blast, catching up with sis, se, hm, hq, wx and ps! i'm tired though, have been sleeping rather late these few days. But! i feel that life has some purpose after all, working and having the time to catch up with people i care about :)

hmm, it's the time of the year in the company where many people are leaving. perhaps, i will get used to it after some time. for snrs that i enjoy working with, i feel a sense of sadness. however, i feel happy for them as they will be rid of this shit hole. wonder when will my turn be? oh well, since i'm still staying for a while, i choose not to think too much about it. so far, not much pressure on me yet. haha, shall just enjoy my life for a while more still.

sometimes, i wonder what my motivation in teaching piano is. is it the money? or the passion? i guess, it's really hard to quantify the percentage of monetary motivation and passion. i guess, one has to be practical, even with the passion, one has to earn some money. sometimes, it feels hurtful to know that your principal doesn't value u as much as u think she does. i have been with her for 5 years, yet my percentage doesn't increase. yet, my fees doesn't increase. yes, i admit my qualifications are not on par with the new teacher, i admit that, however, it's just so unfair. for the same student, she is not even charging me at market rate. it's fine, but if she increase the student's fee accordingly to the qualifications based on the old fee, it's fair. but she did not. she just gave a $10 discount off the market rate. damn. it's just so unfair. and why didn't i point it out? well, i always tell myself that i have a full-time job, shouldn't complain too much i guess? i like my current students, so i guess, perhaps, just stay till my current students have finished their studies? oh well, life's like that sometimes. will ask her if i decide to go full-time. oh crap, just feel like letting off steam.

sighs, economics vs passion.

haha....

argh... damn bored. waiting for the manager. hope she is not MIA. otherwise, i'll have a whole day of pretending that i have things to do. argh... took a cab today. and the uncle thinks i'm married!! haha... he was shocked when i told him my age. oh man.... haha.... have been meeting nice cab driver recently....! yesterday and today. sometimes, i don't mind them talking. but sometimes, i want them to give me peace too. but i like those kind that tell me about their children. haha, so i can get a first hand experience of what people in my generation are doing with my life.

met this uncle yesterday who was retrenched. it's very sad. i think he feels abandoned by his company. previously, he held a very high post. i guess, when age is catching up, it's very difficult to find jobs even though the experience is there. also, with younger people, the payout is not as expensive. oh well, economics meet practicalism.

watched harry potter yesterday! it was a very nice movie. haha. i enjoyed it very much. perhaps, everyone keeps telling me how boring it is. my expectations were very much lowered. well, many details were not in the movie. but, it's like that i guess, how can u put all the details into a 2./5 hour movie. emma watson is so cool! like her!

hopefully, i'll get a slack week:) the manager is always missing! oh wells, better than working.

argh! can't believe how stupid i am!! i should have done the work given to me for the whole day! sighs, what a rarity, the manager has nothing for me to do. and she's going for a discussion! she was actually asking other managers to use me. argh!! haha. well, hopefully, when it's 530, she's not back from the discussion and i can go home!! :) shall just exit my groove. silly me thought that she needed the things in a hurry. :) slack week! i'm happy!

sometimes, it really takes 2 hands to clap. what is it called? i believe it's understanding and compromise.

understanding: it is important to understand each other's goals. perhaps, to understand what is important to one. that's the interesting thing. what is important to one may not be important to others. perhaps, why relationships always meet a problem is due to this factor. each party is unable to understand why certain things and ideas are important to the other. this will lead to arguments. and the scary thing is, people break apart when they are unable to resolve the arguments. hopefully, this does not happen to my relationships. :/

compromise: reaching a compromise is as difficult as understanding one another. reaching a compromise means being less stubborn to holding on to one's beliefs. i believe that everything can be compromised, it just depends on the degree that the other party is willing to go to give in to the other. sighs, compromise, and i realise that i'm very stubborn. argh!

i know that i'm selfish at times. i'm unwilling to change alot of myself, in terms of, habits, behaviour and beliefs even though i'm in a relationship. i'm trying, however, i do question myself sometimes. is it better off being single? where i do not have to worry about compromising. but i refuse to let go yet. my dear dear means alot to me:) i'm willing to try and accomodate. things are different when one is in a relationship. often, we cannot do things by our whism and fancy, we have to try to understand and accomodate. this i will try. be less selfish.

haha. musings on my part, don't take it too seriously?

:)

i just so love doing nothing. waiting for the manager to call me. how long have i been waiting? about 4 hours? it's not so bad, surfing the net, reading on gossips. kind of a slack and good life. except that, the manager's gonna question me about why things are not done. and supposedly, am i to say that they are tasks belonging to the seniors? we shall see. it's been another minute pass, and no phone call. damn. it's really not too bad, till the manager probably wants me to stay late to complete some task that i could have completed like 2 hours ago? i'm just a lowly A1, don't expect too much... that's the problem with people sometimes, assuming about everything. damn.

feeling like i'm falling sick. hope it's not the SWINE. hahaha. feel like taking MC tomorrow. what a stupid shit job. senior has abandonned me. manager, i hope, it's nice. seems not too, from what my fellow colleagues say. hope to go back early today. what more can a girl ask?

haha... interesting lunch i have. it's weird. guess that's how it is, meeting dear dear's friends. need to get used to it :)

argh, the manager is still MIA. hope she doesn't look for me at 4pm. i will curse her. haha....

sometimes, i ponder over the necessity of treating my colleagues nicely. bantering with them, smiling at them. i was doing it before. but right now, i just seem to have lost the need to do all these. perhaps, doing all these will earn a good feedback, but, what are the seniors looking for? sometimes, the corporate world is just so practical. if u have the ability, people will rave and flock to u. however, if u are just an average joe, people will not even give 2 hoots about u. however, the world is made up of average joes. people who are born smart often neglect the feelings of average joes. perhaps, we'll just have to deal with it the best we can.

in university days, i was very affected by how people view me. of course, who wants to be viewed as stupid. however, when working, i've learnt to let go. there are just too many things in life to be bothered by how people view me. i'm more concerned with how my family, dear dear and real friends relates to me. :) working, creating a facade of yourself, i find it tiring. haha, ignorance is bliss. i've always believed in that.

slacking now... hopefully the client gives me what i need! argh. haha....

can't wait for the next week of leave!

ok, it's been about 2.5 weeks since i last blogged. haha, i realise that i have a tendency to blog whenever i'm stuck in office. oh well, the current job is not too difficult. consolidation, agreeing figures are not too difficult, just need to find out where the figures come from? except that i'm supposed to be stationed in office. argh, it's so far from home! one good thing is that the snr is not from my team, haha, and she comes in later than me. yay! and she seems nice. hope that i can slack! not a very good attitude? well, i can't be bothered too much. it's just work, not my life. i refuse to make it my life. *bleah*

had a wonderful leave period. went to lots of swimming. managed a genting trip in between. went to JB for the day and got really fat. managed to treat my grandma and parents. most importantly, spent time with my sisters, and dear dear! hehe.

back to reality. how does one deal with reality? realise that i'm not too affected by things. find that i can't behave like giggly teenage girls much longer. sometimes, i wonder, why do some people just have so much energy. perhaps, its just me who is tired most of the time. argh. well, think it's gonna be a tough next month. starting out in tax, hopefully, managers and seniors are nice. anyway, if they are not, don't think that they can affect me that much, after all, i'm just a lowly A1. haha. being an A1 has its merits in certain ways.

my students are having exams next month. kind of anxious about my cousins. chanced upon the elder cousin's blog yesterday. it's quite sad that she finds piano stressful. oh well, didn't realise that i have that effect of stressing my students. perhaps, i set high expectations for my students and myself. overall, i guess, a teacher just want her students to do well? have to make up for students these few weeks. hopefully, it's enough for them to get at least a merit. yes, i'm that demanding. haha. i don't just want them to pass. it'll reflect their technicialities too?

musings on my part: be single and attached has its pros and cons. can't really say which is the better option or choice? just that they entails different expectations and planning in life. like what my dear dear said, he doesn't like to see me tired. sometimes, i think that i feel tired too much that i don't really think about things. and when i do think about things, they tend to overwhelm me. for instance, the past 2 weeks, have been thinking more about things, marriage, family, future, career. thinking about them means i must make a decision. had come to terms with many things, and the conclusion, i don't want to think too much about how things are not working out. just have a few options at hand, so that i know how to walk the next step, that's more important than anything.

human relationships are very vulnerable. hate to see ppl arguing uselessly, hate shouting aimlessly. perhaps, as what bh said, i'm really just a "peaceful person who likes freedom". that perhaps, sums me up most well. :)

and i soooo need to meet u up. dear PS!!

it's been about 4 months since i last blogged. many things happened? not really, but i've grown wiser, smarter, and perhaps, more cynical about people. corporate world, many people want to get inside. sometimes, i wonder, at what cost? think all of us have changed in one way or another. efforts not being recognised, think i have to deal with it. damn. i hate it. i don't want to understand any more things about the audit, tax or anything else. i just don't. as usual, they don't interst me alot. argh. i hate it! damn. just wish that i can stop thinking about all these. courage, think this topic has been prevalent in most of my entries, which i still lack sorely. i want to go out and do what i want. but i just lack the stupid courage. and i don't want to listen to anything. hate how it affects me. i sound incoherent. and i know. just typing anything that comes to my mind. sighs. whatever.