i guess, putting down my thoughts in writing would make things clearer, or not. u see, it's really sad that i have my family who doesn't support me in most of the things i do. i should have expected that. that's how my family works. that is why, it doesn't really affect me. the shouting, the putting-me-d0wn, the criticisims, i can deal with it. i have expected it, that's why, i can deal with it.

however, i cannot accept the fact that my father, wants to lecture me, telling me the way to work in the corporate world. perhaps, i have stopped accepting advice from my father a long time ago. simply, he doesn't really take into account my ideas, my thoughts and my circumstances. oh hindsight, i know that he wants the best for me, trying to protect me from the "dangers" of the corporate industry. however, he has never asked me about the nature of my work, never sought to understand how my industry works, and yet he wants to fester an opinion. i just can't accept that. is it so hard to just talk nicely to me? is it so difficult to just ask me about my work nature? why is it that other parents see the good in their children but mine doesn't. why is it that they are so affected by little things that doesn't mean anything at the end of the day?

i really don't want to fight with my father. i think that i can never ask him for any advice, never be close to him any longer. no matter how hard i try to remember the good that he has done for me, these constant fights just linger in me. why is it so hard for him to accept that we have grown up? why is it so hard for him to accept our ideas? he doesn't have to accept it, but listening to it is just enough. is it so hard for him to do that? must he want to bring it to the point till that he just refuses to accept other people's point of view and turn everyone else away?

i guess, at the end of the day, i'll just live the way i always have had. no lasting enemies. with regards to my family of course. haha. if i am happy with my life, i can determine failure and success to my liking. i don't have to see failure and success from another person's eyes. at the end of the day, i'm not living vicariously. i'm still living my life.

ok, i think i have been somewhat showing some attitude. but whatever, i simply can't care anymore. sometimes, it's just so tiring to care so much of what others think. perhaps, i'm numbing myself in a way, so that i would not miss audit too much when i'm away. sighs, i think that i have gotten used to audit. but perhaps, i will miss it as a result of the attitude that i'm showing now. haha, oops. so i guess, when the stress comes in, i will be in deep shit.

new a1s, argh! sometimes, i wish they would be more intelligent in asking questions. hope that i wasn't like that in the past. i know i wasn't that irritating. haha. oh wells, at least, it's nice to see the new people having the drive. hopefully, they can hang in there.

argh, be booked under that person's job next week. hope she doesn't give me any grief. my status is such that she will not bother about me i guess. haha. hopefully. and i wanna go home early!! oops....

i love fridays!!

ok, here it goes again. it's been more than one month since i last blogged. haha. quite a lot of things have changed. the things that i've grappled with for the past 3 months or so are going to disappear. what a relief. to be not sitting in the company and wishing for things to be different, but actually doing it. even though the response was somehow what i expect, still, dealing with it is not as easy as i thought.

my parents say the usual things that i expect. i mean, what can i expect them to say really? they have their concerns. but somehow, it's nice if they recognise that what i want might not be what they want for me? different people want different things in life. some people yearn for glamour, for power, for money, and so on. me, i yearn for simplicity for now. i thought that i can deal with the corportate world, but i was wrong. i don't want to live through the corporate world being unhappy, playing little games, acting in front of people. it's so tiring. maybe i'll miss it, being unable to interact with people of my age, but i'll live. not sure how i will take teaching piano full-time, but i'll figure it out. if not, i'll just try another thing to do. no matter what people think they know, no matter what people say, the ultimate decision lies in me. i guess, it's me being happy that matters most.

in singapore, people like to have success at their fingertips immediately. it's not wrong, to like to have a certainty to things. however, is that how the world works? i hope not. it'll be so tiring, lacking the courage to try different things and hating oneself for doing the things they don't like. ain't it a touture to live like that? i've been there. i've learnt the hard way. but i did. everything in life is a lesson to learn.

i enjoyed time by myself yesterday. watched coraline and my sister's keeper! coraline is very interesting. it certainly brings out the fact that little children should not be left alone too much. hope that i can be a good mother in future. haha. my sister's keeper, a tear jerker. sighs, it always struck me that people always regret when they lose something. so why can't people treasure it now, instead of getting affected by small issues that don't mean a thing. argh. guess that not everyone has the same sentiments as me.

sighs. waiting for the manager. hopefully she doesn't come and i can slack. haha. well, i certainly can wish...!