it's been a few days since the concert. the same old feelings returned, of course. expected by me, but surprisingly, i've come to a resolution this time round. sorted out my thinking, and vowed to be a better person. :)



how can i compete with someone where the competition standard is different. i didn't realilse this till yesterday. i have been giving myself a lot of pressure (this is good), thinking that i have to be better than her. however, i realise that i have been always giving my best to my students, ensuring that they have reached their potential, regardless of whether i have her qualifications. to me, seeing that able to do better than they can is enough for me. i should stop trying to emulate her methods and outcome, but perform my best for all my students, bringing them to their best. that in itself, is the best of all.



and i have gotten used to the idea that not all students/their parents will like me as their teacher. it came as a shock to me initially, because, this is the first time it has happened. however, i have other parents asking me to extend my contract, saying that i have transformed their child. this is all that made it worthwhile. seeing that my students are able to be interested becuase of me :P i guess, everything has its pros and cons, and the best that i can do is not to take it personally.



feeling much better regarding my career. doing what i know i can do instead of thinking poorly of myself and achieving something that is simply impossible. the bitch, yes, the practical bitch who used me so willingly, and seems to want to cast me aside now because she found someone. the bitch who disregard my capabilities. it's ok, because i feel recognised elsewhere. i guess, i have found my inner peace regarding you. for a long time, i sought your recognition, but, i realise that it's not going to happen as long as you judge me based on your myopia. it's ok, i recognised it before and am going to deal with it now. simply, u can't affect me anymore. i just look to greener pastures :P

knowing how to deal with the nitty grittiness of this career is something new. however, i'm managing fine. learning, ain't everything's about learning? haha.... so long, till the next one.

YES, and i'm still trying to lose weight. argh!