everytime when i have the mood to blog, i would be distracted by games. oh why? haha, just cos i have not played for a long time. last week was my first offical assignment, and boy was it a tough first week. sighs, i never imagine that i would work till so late for my first assignment. 2 days till 10pm and 2 days till midnight!! it was an experience that i guess would be repeated really soon. and i even came to work on a sunday. sighs. the adrenalin rush at first was soon replaced by tiredness and me missing my bed terribly. :(

sighs, hate meeting datelines, even though there was nothing much to meet. and i get bored so easily. sighs, can't really see myself going through the same audit process over and over again. praying that i can last till i finish paying my debt!! sighs.

this 2 weeks have been really crazy. working till midnight almost everyday is no fun at all. sighs, so tiring! i can't even think properly. sighs, really hope that i have the motivation to last till it ends :( this week is especially tiring... however, i rather enjoy it....

why?! cos there's a PH! went for teacher's gathering in the morning :) it's good to catch up once in a while. though, i was too tired to want to mingle :( went shopping after that! i have to stop spending! have been buying too many clothes.... must stop! especially online spreeing! went to celebrate dad's bday after that at this wonderful place of crabs! what a delicious spread... :)

i will stop having negative thoughts towards u, and it worked! i just don't want to feel anything towards u. i'm sick and tired of trying to get worked up whenever we conversed. sick of your childish antics. sick of u trying to show-off. try it, it will work.... just don't feel anything towards u...

working and being tired keeps my mind off things. i guess, whatever that i have done, work came at the right time. and whatever that is happening now, if it does, i'll see how it goes, though, i have not much fate in this kind of things...

must start running, swimming. basically exercising! and read the newspapers. miss out on so many exciting things! must catch up soon!

i have played a game that i knew i would never win. yet, i still continued with it. oh wells, lesson learnt. do not play with fire, or u end up getting burnt. the degree of my burns are not that serious, but, i do not wish to dwell on it any longer.

perhaps, i'm just someone, who doesn't like people to make use of me. yes, who likes to be made used of? my point is, if i don't get your intentions, i rather choose to go.

i went to church yesterday. and i was so stupid. all the time, i thought i was on the right path. my focused path. even when i veered off track so much, i failed to notice. but, i'm back now. with God, who keeps me safe and secure. that's all i need right now. hopefully, i'll get to go to church regularly, and keep nonsense out of my life.

my parents came back yesterday! ah, back to my life of rules and regulations. last week, i was busy doing chores. it reinforce my belief of hiring help in future. hate doing chores.

hope to meet my friends soon. i miss u ps.... catch up soon alright? :) haha, we need to train for the marathon!!!

have the day off for piano today. what a lucky breather :) however, went back for some makeup lessons. students have exams again soon. seems like i don't really have a down period. haha, could do with the down period, so i don't have to be constantly on alert for my students...! oh wells...

was having flu in the morning. or rather, thought was having my usual sinus.... was having a drippy nose throughout the train ride. i must have looked a sight! really couldn't be bothered about it. was having trouble keeping my puffy eyes open. and my nose was really terribly drippy when teaching my students. sigh, feel quite bad. hope i didn't pass anything to them. guess what, i have a full-blown fever right now. :( have not been so sick for a long time, sighs, forgotten how weak one can be. hope that the sickness persists till monday so i can go and get MC. hahaha.... ok, that's really terrible of me. sighs. spoilt my plans of swimming and jogging. damn.

went for jc class outing yesterday. think the last time that i saw them was 2 years ago. it's really a different kind of interaction between them and the uni ppl. for once, i've forgotten how english they are. haha. and i have a tendency to speak to RV ppl in mandarin. oops. it's nice, but i was too tired to really interact much. it's nice to just observe ppl though. guys will always be guys. gals, quiet ones are still quiet. haha. some changes though. glad i went though... had a chance to drink... :) wonder, did the late nights caused me to be sick.... haha...

and gals, will always muse about romantic developments. :) interesting to see how things go.

ok, i need to rest....

damn. so far, you are the only guy who can make me cry almost instantly. i wonder, why am i so affected by you. perhaps, the guilt trip works pretty well. i hate it, when you choose not to understand me, but, enforce your own ideals and beliefs on me. it's just so irritating and pointless. why can't u just understand that things don't always have to go your way. damn it.

i miss my piano so bad. didn't really want to leave it once i started practising yesterday. i hate myself for wanting to cry because i can no longer do the things i want to do. why is it so hard just to do the things that i really want to do. i hate being conformed to social pressures. and why is it that i know what i want yet i don't go about getting it. it's because, i lack the so-called damn thing - courage.

why can i be so fearless at times, yet when it comes to my life, i just lack the courage to pursue what i want. sometimes, i wonder, is all this strong persona just a fake front. i know ppl think i'm fake, but, i don't really want to bother about it. i've always wondered why am i like that. the answer that i came up with, perhaps, i just don't really like ppl to see my real self. which brings down to another topic, are there many things to hide? i don't know. just that, i've been so used to this part of me that i don't think i can change myself. the thing is, i just don't like to have to pretend so much when i don't at comfortable environments and places. perhaps, i just need to get used to this whole damn office thing.

seems like many things attributed to my breakdown yesterday. have not cried for a long time, and, sighs, i think, i really miss my piano. sighs.