i really feel like saying things in a literal sense, but i find myself at a loss for words. because, i'm usually very direct with things. i don't like to beat around the bush. i don't want to hurt people's feelings, yet i'm contradicting myself. because i know that if i'm going to say things as it is, i'm really going to hurt the people who care about me.

looking at things from different perspectives really help. talking about things really help too. maybe it's not anyone else's fault, but just internal conflicts that need to be resolved, internal confusions that needs to be sorted out, internal issues that need to be compartmentalised.

perhaps, all in all, i really need to talk to myself. ask myself, what do i really want? what do i really need? instead of focusing on what i think i need at this point in my life. life happens at different stages. perhaps, what is needed in other people's life may not necessarily be needed in mine at this stage.

i've always thought that i'm the silly one. the kind that will live for it. but i'm not, and that really surprises me. is there something that i'm not seeing? is there something that is not there? i have the answer, yes, i do. it's very clear to me. but can i let go? it is this answer that i have that scares me.

i want things to be fair. even though i know that life is often unfair. my honesty will hurt. i know. but i don't want to lie anymore. i don't. perhaps, all that is lacking, it is the courage to let go.

and perhaps, the solution simply is, to give it more time. time heals all wounds. time can also reassure things.

i want to give it time. i don't want to be someone who says this, and does another. i care too much to brush it away, i care too much to leave it alone. if i say i don't know what i feel, i'll be lying, because i do.

and at the end of the day, i don't even know why i'm blogging about this. perhaps, just take things with a pinch of salt.