it has really been a long time since i last blogged. haha, my lazy fingers just seem to want to play games. and thanks to my new iphone 4 from my tbb, i'm now addicted to the phone!! aRGH! playing till the wee hours of the morning. haha, i guess, need to get used to the routine of a iphone user :P

things have changed alot. i guess, going back to coportate next year. i don't relish the thought. glued to a computer screen. i have no choice. the practical benefits of being a piano teacher doesn't outweigh one of a corporate career. i have more free time, but do i really need to have so much free time? haha, i guess the answer is no, because i spend most of it playing games.... oops.... even though i earn more than before, putting in lesser hours, the stability is not there. now, the focus is for me to earn enough money to put it into a business, doing something that we can truly call ours. :) hopefully, the job market still has place for me next year.

sighs, wish i have the motivation to practise more piano. i feel so lazy during the day. argh. i'm improving and i don't wish to deprove!!!

sighs, many family issues, hope they will just disappear!!!

it's been a few days since the concert. the same old feelings returned, of course. expected by me, but surprisingly, i've come to a resolution this time round. sorted out my thinking, and vowed to be a better person. :)



how can i compete with someone where the competition standard is different. i didn't realilse this till yesterday. i have been giving myself a lot of pressure (this is good), thinking that i have to be better than her. however, i realise that i have been always giving my best to my students, ensuring that they have reached their potential, regardless of whether i have her qualifications. to me, seeing that able to do better than they can is enough for me. i should stop trying to emulate her methods and outcome, but perform my best for all my students, bringing them to their best. that in itself, is the best of all.



and i have gotten used to the idea that not all students/their parents will like me as their teacher. it came as a shock to me initially, because, this is the first time it has happened. however, i have other parents asking me to extend my contract, saying that i have transformed their child. this is all that made it worthwhile. seeing that my students are able to be interested becuase of me :P i guess, everything has its pros and cons, and the best that i can do is not to take it personally.



feeling much better regarding my career. doing what i know i can do instead of thinking poorly of myself and achieving something that is simply impossible. the bitch, yes, the practical bitch who used me so willingly, and seems to want to cast me aside now because she found someone. the bitch who disregard my capabilities. it's ok, because i feel recognised elsewhere. i guess, i have found my inner peace regarding you. for a long time, i sought your recognition, but, i realise that it's not going to happen as long as you judge me based on your myopia. it's ok, i recognised it before and am going to deal with it now. simply, u can't affect me anymore. i just look to greener pastures :P

knowing how to deal with the nitty grittiness of this career is something new. however, i'm managing fine. learning, ain't everything's about learning? haha.... so long, till the next one.

YES, and i'm still trying to lose weight. argh!

february till now, 5 months exactly. haha, that's how long i've been out of action. sighs, people seem to want to blog whenever there's issues. sighs. teaching, like everything else, has it's ups and downs, and i believe that everything is linked. one thing leads to another. sighs.

sad truth 1: you have put in so much effort for your student and have seen improvement, yet, the mother chooses to entrust the child to another teacher.

sad truth 2: you are the last to know about sad truth 1.

sad truth 3: you should booklick the admin to prevent sad truth 2.

the mother of all truths: i know that i cannot expect everyone to like me, but it hurts so much, when as a teacher, i'm already planning the progress of my student and this has to happen. FUCK. perhaps, the stupid mother should stop looking at my appearance (oh, and she's so not subtle, looking at me from head to toe every single week), where none other parents have any problems with, and judge me. rejection, a process which takes place in many circumstances in life, where i have yet to fully comprehend. damn, it matters so much more when it's your livelihood. sighs.

and the stupid admin, which lacks of simple decency to inform me. FUCK. i have been nothing short of polite to them, not unlike QMC. yes, granted that i'm not friendly, but i have been polite. and this is the treatment i get. i will get my revenge (it's not childish and mindless, it's just fighting for my rights!!!), yes, i will. all the problems that i have with my students, will not be mine anymore. why should i adhere to the rules so much and to face disappointment in people that i have been cordial and polite with. argh.

damn, if i could anticipate all these problems, things would be so much easier. perhaps, having the experience and mindset to deal with all these, these would not affect me so much!! sucks big time. i guess, just part and parcel of my job. argh!!!

my conscience is clear. i always teach well, seen by the results that i produce and the rapport i have with students and parents. i guess, it's inate in me to just not get along with people managing me. haha, my problem again? well, i guess, at least i know my own strengths and weaknesses.

other things... i know i'm not an easy person to be with. often bad-tempered, sighs. i know that many things can't be helped, i know that i have to be more understanding. but sometimes, it's hard to control my emotions when things matter to me so much. still learning on dealing with my relationship. thing we are managing well, despite many downs recently. all part and parcel of learning :) thanks for being my understanding dear :)

can't wait to go genting!!

the cny holidays are ending for me today. next, it's gonna be one month of teaching before i have a break. oh wells, at least i'm not dreading to go teaching as compared to the past year, where i have to physically drag myself out of the comforts of my bed. :) teaching full-time now, i can totally get the customer-oriented feel. sighs, everything about business is being customer-oriented. the realities of life. at least, it is easier than audit. would i go back to the corporate industry? it is still too early for me to come to any decision yet. i'm happy where i'm now, guess that's all that matters right now.

many thoughts swirled in my mind during this cny period. mainly to deal with people. the negative thoughts and feelings that i have to a certain cousin always arise during this period. it will take about a week for this unhealthy thoughts to dissipate. sighs. i have always hated this stupid feeling. i guess, it's mainly due to my mom's relentless competitive streak regarding them. however, during this cny, things have changed. i have understood that it's the adults that have created this ridiculous barrier. i can't close this barrier right now, but i have resolved this negative feeling that i have. :) not totally, but most of it. i think, during the next year, same period, i'm able to view things differently.

it's really funny how i'm able to dish out advice for others yet unable to apply the same logic regarding myself. however, we must always think out of context, where, even without the status, we are able to achieve the things we want to. sounds confusing? just a simple example: i have always wanted to see the world, the different environments that people live in. i can achieve that as long as i have the monetary means. this may not be due to my occupational status, but the financial decisions i make in my life. i have to get that occupational status does not equate to financial status. i'm still learning :)

learning, a life-long journey. still learning, regarding relationships. haha, things are certainly not a bed of roses. expectations have changed, and effort less needed as we understand each other more. less compromise have occurred as we understand each others moods and thought processes. well, i believe that as long as we commit and make the effort, anything can last. :)

it really has been a long time since i last blogged :)

i'm wondering how am i able to like my sunday class wholly. haix, i still can't find the excitement for teaching on sundays. perhaps, it's because of that student of mine. argh. teaching piano has it's stress too. since it's a relatively large organisation, i can't do things my own way. to think that they even remind you to be patient to your students =.= oh wells, i'm earning my keep from them, guess some level of conformity is needed?

had the yearly reunion dinner last night. perhaps i'm feeling tired? i don't seem to mind alot about the things that used to bother me. :) guess it's better, as in i save my energy in bothering about unimportant things. however, it also shows that i've matured in some ways. perhaps, understanding who am i, what i want and what i have is more important then some previous generation's rivalry. haha, one thing that doesn't change: when i dislike something/someone, i will just move away from that object. haha, i just don't like u guys. period. :)

getting used to my life and routine right now. :) hopefully, i'll be ready for the exams by next year. my target is this year, to get all my pieces ready, to drill down in technicalities after that. however, the practising right now is harder, having to inculcate many things at once. haha. it's easier to demand that of my students then for myself!! discipline! not a great problem of me, but, must maintain still!

i guess, i choose my wars nowadays. when i see a discussion that i am able to give my 2 cents worth but will lead to a heated argument, i choose to shut up. sometimes, i feel that i've lost the will to fight, but perhaps, i'm just more elitist? i choose the people that i want to speak to. oops, shoot me! but perhaps, i'm more used to like-minded people i guess:)

yay! going to body world tmr! can't wait to spend the day with my dear dear!

life transformers touches my heart in different ways with each episode. however, what never changes is the increase in my effort to show appreciation for the people who love and care for me. it never fail to amaze me how much i have in my life right now. i must learn to appreciate it and also help others who need help most. today's episode featured an overbearing mother. i hope that i will never become like her and also never meet one!! haha....

cny is coming!! haha, really looking forward to it. a week of no teaching. oops! sometimes it's quite tiring. but most of all, i usually have nothing much to do during the day. haha. however, one good thing that comes out of it is that i have more time to spend with my family :)

i guess, most things have its pros and cons. i think that i'm becoming more of a recluse as time goes by. not too sure though if it's a good or bad thing. i have been selfish in the past. guarding my time more preciously than most other things. things are the opposite now. guess i have to re-orient myself. :)

relationships are never easy to deal with. what is the hardest for me is managing expectations. i know it's hard for me to expect the other party to have the same standard as me. however, this feel will not dissipate easily. i guess, compromise. if only it is that easy. no matter what, learning new things as the relationship develops.

dear dear, take care of yourself ok:)

it has really been a long time since i last blogged. haha, many things have changed. i wanted to get the blogging habit back, but i've been a lazy person since the change of career. so, i'm a full-time piano teacher. anyone who wants piano lessons, u know who to look for!

it is really tough getting used to working so little hours per day. i've been working 7 days a week for the past year and a half. when u start breaking down things into details, i wondered how i manage to cope with it all. but i did, and i really need to thank my dear dear for being by my side and understanding my crazy and hectic schedule. thanks dear, i didn't know if u knew it or not, i know u wished that i could have more time for you. appreciate u for giving me my own space when i need it :)

the difference in schedule is something that i must acknowledge, get used to, and deal with it. so far, i think i'm still at stage 2. haha, but i will do my best. it's difficult, but i know that both of us will work hard to make it work. i have faith in us.

sometimes, i let doubts fester in my mind regarding my career path. but i guess, it's really too soon for me to make my decision. what keeps me going is the thought of getting my diploma. i really want to get it. somehow, i feel that it's really a good thing to take my diploma when i was in jc. sighs, too late for any regrets now. at this point in time, this diploma really mean a lot to me. i can't afford not to have a heck-care attitude that i used have towards my music when i was in sec sch. and this fear that i might not succeed the first time really gets to me now and then. but i just tell myself, to have faith in ms goh and myself. :)

still have to get used to working in a big organisation. argh, appearances, why is it so hard to maintain sometimes. argh, need to get used to the fact that i don't have good students all the time!!

cny resolution! to lose weight before cny!! haha hope that i can make it!
also, to get my blogging habit back!!