3 years before and after

3 years later, i've come full circle.... just re-read some of the previous blog entries, and realise that i'm currently going through what i've been going through 3 years ago. the only difference is that i'm married now.

i didn't realise that what i've been feeling 3 years ago were exactly the same as now. i didn't realise that i knew what i wanted 3 years ago. i didn't realise that i was complaining abt my then bf, now hubby, was not spending enough time with me. i didn't realise that 3 years ago, i was trying to be a better gf, and now, a better wife. it's just 3 years, everything remained unchanged, yet everything has changed.

honestly, i just want a simple life. saw chin shi's facebook comments. her hubby was supportive of her dream to be a full-time mother. is it so difficult to accept that my dream is such? granted, i don't have a child now, yet, i'm gonna have a flexible job which i wanted, i have never forced anyone to understand why i hate working in an office. no one will understand the struggle that i have. i have always tried to live by example. let everyone live the life that they wanted, why can't they let me?

i know people are worried. but, how can people live by worry? that's not living, that's surviving. why do we need to survive? we are not in the past anymore? we have the chance and opportunity to live, why can't we grab it and treasure the privilege that we can have now?

since graduation, i have struggled. i have struggled between everyone's expectations and my own. i fought hard to achieve my peace, yet, i'm fighting another war now.

marriage. it comes with alot of expectations and burdens. i'm really tired. i want a child, i want to be a mother. everything that i'm doing now is to achieve that. is that so difficult to understand? i don't know how long i can hang on to this. facing disappointment everyday. why can i be the person u want me to be, but yet u can't be a fraction of the person i want u to be?

i don't know. i just know that i will strive on my journey, my chosen path. as long as i have faith, i believe God will look over me.

as for that incident about rudeness, i'm gonna put it behind me, and hope that, after Saturday, it will have no repurcusions.