argh! can't believe how stupid i am!! i should have done the work given to me for the whole day! sighs, what a rarity, the manager has nothing for me to do. and she's going for a discussion! she was actually asking other managers to use me. argh!! haha. well, hopefully, when it's 530, she's not back from the discussion and i can go home!! :) shall just exit my groove. silly me thought that she needed the things in a hurry. :) slack week! i'm happy!

sometimes, it really takes 2 hands to clap. what is it called? i believe it's understanding and compromise.

understanding: it is important to understand each other's goals. perhaps, to understand what is important to one. that's the interesting thing. what is important to one may not be important to others. perhaps, why relationships always meet a problem is due to this factor. each party is unable to understand why certain things and ideas are important to the other. this will lead to arguments. and the scary thing is, people break apart when they are unable to resolve the arguments. hopefully, this does not happen to my relationships. :/

compromise: reaching a compromise is as difficult as understanding one another. reaching a compromise means being less stubborn to holding on to one's beliefs. i believe that everything can be compromised, it just depends on the degree that the other party is willing to go to give in to the other. sighs, compromise, and i realise that i'm very stubborn. argh!

i know that i'm selfish at times. i'm unwilling to change alot of myself, in terms of, habits, behaviour and beliefs even though i'm in a relationship. i'm trying, however, i do question myself sometimes. is it better off being single? where i do not have to worry about compromising. but i refuse to let go yet. my dear dear means alot to me:) i'm willing to try and accomodate. things are different when one is in a relationship. often, we cannot do things by our whism and fancy, we have to try to understand and accomodate. this i will try. be less selfish.

haha. musings on my part, don't take it too seriously?

:)

i just so love doing nothing. waiting for the manager to call me. how long have i been waiting? about 4 hours? it's not so bad, surfing the net, reading on gossips. kind of a slack and good life. except that, the manager's gonna question me about why things are not done. and supposedly, am i to say that they are tasks belonging to the seniors? we shall see. it's been another minute pass, and no phone call. damn. it's really not too bad, till the manager probably wants me to stay late to complete some task that i could have completed like 2 hours ago? i'm just a lowly A1, don't expect too much... that's the problem with people sometimes, assuming about everything. damn.

feeling like i'm falling sick. hope it's not the SWINE. hahaha. feel like taking MC tomorrow. what a stupid shit job. senior has abandonned me. manager, i hope, it's nice. seems not too, from what my fellow colleagues say. hope to go back early today. what more can a girl ask?

haha... interesting lunch i have. it's weird. guess that's how it is, meeting dear dear's friends. need to get used to it :)

argh, the manager is still MIA. hope she doesn't look for me at 4pm. i will curse her. haha....

sometimes, i ponder over the necessity of treating my colleagues nicely. bantering with them, smiling at them. i was doing it before. but right now, i just seem to have lost the need to do all these. perhaps, doing all these will earn a good feedback, but, what are the seniors looking for? sometimes, the corporate world is just so practical. if u have the ability, people will rave and flock to u. however, if u are just an average joe, people will not even give 2 hoots about u. however, the world is made up of average joes. people who are born smart often neglect the feelings of average joes. perhaps, we'll just have to deal with it the best we can.

in university days, i was very affected by how people view me. of course, who wants to be viewed as stupid. however, when working, i've learnt to let go. there are just too many things in life to be bothered by how people view me. i'm more concerned with how my family, dear dear and real friends relates to me. :) working, creating a facade of yourself, i find it tiring. haha, ignorance is bliss. i've always believed in that.

slacking now... hopefully the client gives me what i need! argh. haha....

can't wait for the next week of leave!

ok, it's been about 2.5 weeks since i last blogged. haha, i realise that i have a tendency to blog whenever i'm stuck in office. oh well, the current job is not too difficult. consolidation, agreeing figures are not too difficult, just need to find out where the figures come from? except that i'm supposed to be stationed in office. argh, it's so far from home! one good thing is that the snr is not from my team, haha, and she comes in later than me. yay! and she seems nice. hope that i can slack! not a very good attitude? well, i can't be bothered too much. it's just work, not my life. i refuse to make it my life. *bleah*

had a wonderful leave period. went to lots of swimming. managed a genting trip in between. went to JB for the day and got really fat. managed to treat my grandma and parents. most importantly, spent time with my sisters, and dear dear! hehe.

back to reality. how does one deal with reality? realise that i'm not too affected by things. find that i can't behave like giggly teenage girls much longer. sometimes, i wonder, why do some people just have so much energy. perhaps, its just me who is tired most of the time. argh. well, think it's gonna be a tough next month. starting out in tax, hopefully, managers and seniors are nice. anyway, if they are not, don't think that they can affect me that much, after all, i'm just a lowly A1. haha. being an A1 has its merits in certain ways.

my students are having exams next month. kind of anxious about my cousins. chanced upon the elder cousin's blog yesterday. it's quite sad that she finds piano stressful. oh well, didn't realise that i have that effect of stressing my students. perhaps, i set high expectations for my students and myself. overall, i guess, a teacher just want her students to do well? have to make up for students these few weeks. hopefully, it's enough for them to get at least a merit. yes, i'm that demanding. haha. i don't just want them to pass. it'll reflect their technicialities too?

musings on my part: be single and attached has its pros and cons. can't really say which is the better option or choice? just that they entails different expectations and planning in life. like what my dear dear said, he doesn't like to see me tired. sometimes, i think that i feel tired too much that i don't really think about things. and when i do think about things, they tend to overwhelm me. for instance, the past 2 weeks, have been thinking more about things, marriage, family, future, career. thinking about them means i must make a decision. had come to terms with many things, and the conclusion, i don't want to think too much about how things are not working out. just have a few options at hand, so that i know how to walk the next step, that's more important than anything.

human relationships are very vulnerable. hate to see ppl arguing uselessly, hate shouting aimlessly. perhaps, as what bh said, i'm really just a "peaceful person who likes freedom". that perhaps, sums me up most well. :)

and i soooo need to meet u up. dear PS!!

it's been about 4 months since i last blogged. many things happened? not really, but i've grown wiser, smarter, and perhaps, more cynical about people. corporate world, many people want to get inside. sometimes, i wonder, at what cost? think all of us have changed in one way or another. efforts not being recognised, think i have to deal with it. damn. i hate it. i don't want to understand any more things about the audit, tax or anything else. i just don't. as usual, they don't interst me alot. argh. i hate it! damn. just wish that i can stop thinking about all these. courage, think this topic has been prevalent in most of my entries, which i still lack sorely. i want to go out and do what i want. but i just lack the stupid courage. and i don't want to listen to anything. hate how it affects me. i sound incoherent. and i know. just typing anything that comes to my mind. sighs. whatever.

wow. my previous entry was more than a month ago. not surprising, since i'm on this job, i often don't have time to do the things i want. and guess what? it's still the cny period, yet, i don't even feel it. argh! peak period, darn, i must really try to get used to it.

working for this manager has its merits. i really admire her to a large extent, how she gets things done efficiently. however, it's at the expense of her family. well, wonder how she can let work overtake her life. perhaps, there's really no choice in the matter? hmmz... got scolded by her before, haha, looking back now, i thought that i would not be affected much, but guess i was wrong. really stress, trying not to make mistakes and get things done efficiently. not easy, when i've been slacking for a long time. well, being on a tightrope all the time is not a fun thing exactly. looking forward to my next job. client, NEC! haha, accounts should be clean, ppl polite. and with juan! haha, should be a much better experience :)

really tired. a week of 20 hrs slp is not sufficient. sighs, going to look old really soon :( whatever. off-peak=slping time!

went with twin sis and her friend to timbre. really like the ambience there. nice chill-out place to relax. hope to go again soon! haha, sis wanna intro the pump room and other likes of it, haha... enjoy chilling-out! company must be right though.

unexpected things happen in the family. sighs, hope that grandma will be alright. hate to see anything happen to her at this age. she has enough.

someone is still treating me very nice. haha, hope it lasts. i have faith. glad we took the time to talk things out. it really helped, looking forward to spending more time with u after the peak period. :)

unexpected friends have been contacting me... haha! glad that i'm still remembered. and i miss hanging out with my friends. ps! juan! hm, hq, wx! yoke! and my, we'll meet up soon! argh, peak period.

oh yar, i need to spend time with my sistas~! too! love them!

never thought that i would start a new year like this. sighs. cried 3 times today. wonder what's wrong with me. never thought that i would be this easily affected, vulnerable... whatever. sighs. must be myself back again. the strong gal that i'm so proud of, where has it gone? damn, and perhaps i know the reason very well.

and today, i learn the important lesson of compromising. as much as i want to speak to u, talk to u, i know i cannot be so selfish to deprive u of your night of fun. sighs. i was surprised that u couldn't tell that i was crying when talking to u. oh wells, i'm still learning. sighs.

have to work tomorrow. sighs.

but other than this, i think i have reasons to smile. :) at least twin sis is not mad at me.

sighs, turning 23 soon. bugger...