timetable blues... i can think of a million and one reasons to take a minor and also another million and one reasons not to take. if only i can find it in me the energy to fight for it. have sent in my appeal and am waiting for it. somehow, i'm already resigned to whatever fate that awaits me and also happily accepting that i have a 3-day week. oh sighs...

life is indeed very unpredictable. sometimes, i feel very helpless at situations and the only thing that i can do is to lend a listening ear. and i hope that it is enough. take care dear, hope life will be bearable for u soon...

school has officially opened. i'm going through the motions and routines faithfully. but, why can't i find in me the sparkle to interact with people, the motivation to do well. i'm already throwing in the towel internally without trying. i'm just doing what i have to do, without feeling like doing it. well, the comforting thing is that i actually don't mind doing it, even though i'm already numb towards any satisfaction i may or may not get. perhaps, it's all about getting used to things...

hope that i can sleep tonight. sleep has not come easy for the past few days. damn.

a day after my birthday. here's to all who wished me a happy birthday! thanks for remembering. in order of messages (haha)... aunt eleanor, unclelemon, yoke, jiaying, wanling, hui min, jiaming, jieling, candy, geraldine, aunt bee lian, yanzhen, mischelle, szee ying and angelina. the belated messages, thanks too! aunt yen peng and yi ming. thank you all :) i had a memorable bday yesterday with my twin sis, we caught a movie and had this lovely jap food lunch cum dinner and of course, shopping!

recently, i managed to complete all the books i borrowed from the library, very overdued books. haha. all are very interesting books which captured my attention, perhaps, i've never read storybooks for a long time. must start reading soon, otherwise my brain will go dead. haha. must stop playing computer games!

oh well, i might just have to live with a 5 day week. and the best of it, the last semester of my school life that i have to have a 5 day week. sighs. :( see how it goes, if i managed to get my module at all....

feeling hungry right now. control, i must lose weight! cny is coming!

i'm turning 22 tomorrow. people usually say let's hope we mature by then and face life with a renowned sense of purpose. somehow, i don't really want to grow up anymore, i have more or less grown up to a certain extent. this is to say, i don't look forward to getting older. more pressures, more expectations, more responsibilities. all these point towards committment(of any kind), which i hate. oh well, that really sums up my birthday. but i'm looking forward to spending bday with my twin sis :)

suddenly, the whole idea of couples seem to have magnify, especially with the year 1s (after blog-hopping). well, i would like to get attached when i was in year 1, however, after an unpleasant experience, and some serious soul-searching, it doesn't seem as important as before. there are many things that we can appreciate besides having another half. it all seems so tiring, loving someone without any gurantees, showing (horrors of horrors) committment and wasting time going out (oops). haha, perhaps, when i'm ready, i'm ready...

to u: take care alright. talk to me anytime. time will heal all wounds (sounds cliche, but it's really true)

i hope to feel more geared up for school. have to get rid of feeling simply sianz all the time. sighs.

i don't know why am i thinking about u again. is it a case of regretting after experiencing loss? i have no idea. once again, i find myself, trying to find out information about you. i miss you much more than i care to admit. and i don't want to justify what is the meaning behind this missing you part, i don't even know what it means. what i do know is that, i'm trying to find excuses to talk to u, perhaps, i just hate knowing that i'm truely misplaced, displaced and replaced.

today is a good day! =) went jogging with ps! it's been along time since i've ran on the track. it's good to see her after so long! =) stay strong dear.... i know you can make it no matter what happens....

school is starting soon. sigh, why do i feel that the holidays has only just started?

first and foremost, after much heart-wrenching waits, i've gotten the call that i wanted. i've never ever wanted a call so much in my entire life. it meant even much more to me than waiting for someone. since i've not much choices, i have to make do with this one. it's not a bad choice. on hindsight, not getting the other offer may just be a blessing in disguise. God has His plans for me all along. =) Thank you.

it's really amusing and interesting to notice how people who have everything that they want really take things for granted. can't blame them really. who wouldn't want to always think that things are better on the other side? ain't that what motivates people to a higher goal? these people also tend to find faults with most things, for reasons that i cannot fathom. well, finding unhappiness with things, is it also another way to motivate themselves to find a higher goal? the question that i want to ask them is "are you happy?" more often then not, they'll tell u that they are. i believe them. the irony is, is they are so, why are they constantly complaining, seeking for greener pastures, and not contented? i don't agree that we should live in contentment and not improve ourselves when we can. i just don't understand the constant disatisfaction. it really is a thin line between the two, ain't it? i'm just an observer.

matters of the heart is the most difficult issue of all. no matter how determined we are, how strong we are, it just never ain't enough. to u: hope the pain tides over soon and u'll find the happiness u deserve soon :)

exams are finally over! instead of feeling the euphoria that most feel, i'm still feeling my usual oh yeah, another phase it's over. well, but i'm oh so happy that i don't have to open another textbook! so now, just waiting for the results. still praying that i don't fail one of the modules. sigh. oh well.

interviews are here. i really wanna go kpmg, but they didn't select me. what can i do? life is really like that, if u ain't got the goods, u ain't got nothing. but, i'm rather optimistic i think? pissed with jy today. what does she mean by "i give kpmg's chance to u"? fuck. u mean i have to depend on u to get my job? on hindsight, i don't think she literally means that, but what the fuck, she offended me. and rather seriously. perhaps, she should learn to think through that thick head (apparently it's full of intellect, since she got all the interviews, like i fucking care) of hers before she says anything. and i remember i told a friend before, i fight for the things i care about, and i guess, i don't care about her views fucking enough to scold her. life's really complexing.

went kbox with yoke today. make me sing so much. no voice already! :)

i must practise my piano real hard! hopefully, i can improve lots this hols. the only sane thing, besides GOD (rank 1st), that keeps me from breaking apart at the practical world.

enjoy all i can now.

right now, trying to study for my jap and business valuation. sigh, suddenly, am panicking, might not be able to finish studying!!! haha, hopefully, i can finish studying. :)

ps, enjoy yourself in canada! :) upload loads of photos! :) talk to u soon :P

sometimes, i wonder if i do think too much about certain things. i try not to put everything in a bad light, but negative thoughts do surround me when it comes to this. i have been complaining a lot about this recently, poor sis. haha.

have u ever wondered if u have been used by someone? i try not to think of it that way, yet, this naggy feeling will come back. most of the time, everyone is practical, making friends because they have certain value, making friends because they are of use to u, making friends for many reasons, but none so for the purpose of just making friends. well, that's just my personal experience. have been thinking alot about these things recently, admist my studying that is. haha. sigh, why can't life be simple? really yearn for things simple, whereby academic stuff doesn't take over and corrupt everything simple. who am i kidding? past the academic stuff, it'll be working life. another competition of another level will take place once again. does it ever stop? perhaps when we die...

my cousins didn't do well for their PSLE. move on!

study hard from now on! :)