wow. my previous entry was more than a month ago. not surprising, since i'm on this job, i often don't have time to do the things i want. and guess what? it's still the cny period, yet, i don't even feel it. argh! peak period, darn, i must really try to get used to it.

working for this manager has its merits. i really admire her to a large extent, how she gets things done efficiently. however, it's at the expense of her family. well, wonder how she can let work overtake her life. perhaps, there's really no choice in the matter? hmmz... got scolded by her before, haha, looking back now, i thought that i would not be affected much, but guess i was wrong. really stress, trying not to make mistakes and get things done efficiently. not easy, when i've been slacking for a long time. well, being on a tightrope all the time is not a fun thing exactly. looking forward to my next job. client, NEC! haha, accounts should be clean, ppl polite. and with juan! haha, should be a much better experience :)

really tired. a week of 20 hrs slp is not sufficient. sighs, going to look old really soon :( whatever. off-peak=slping time!

went with twin sis and her friend to timbre. really like the ambience there. nice chill-out place to relax. hope to go again soon! haha, sis wanna intro the pump room and other likes of it, haha... enjoy chilling-out! company must be right though.

unexpected things happen in the family. sighs, hope that grandma will be alright. hate to see anything happen to her at this age. she has enough.

someone is still treating me very nice. haha, hope it lasts. i have faith. glad we took the time to talk things out. it really helped, looking forward to spending more time with u after the peak period. :)

unexpected friends have been contacting me... haha! glad that i'm still remembered. and i miss hanging out with my friends. ps! juan! hm, hq, wx! yoke! and my, we'll meet up soon! argh, peak period.

oh yar, i need to spend time with my sistas~! too! love them!

never thought that i would start a new year like this. sighs. cried 3 times today. wonder what's wrong with me. never thought that i would be this easily affected, vulnerable... whatever. sighs. must be myself back again. the strong gal that i'm so proud of, where has it gone? damn, and perhaps i know the reason very well.

and today, i learn the important lesson of compromising. as much as i want to speak to u, talk to u, i know i cannot be so selfish to deprive u of your night of fun. sighs. i was surprised that u couldn't tell that i was crying when talking to u. oh wells, i'm still learning. sighs.

have to work tomorrow. sighs.

but other than this, i think i have reasons to smile. :) at least twin sis is not mad at me.

sighs, turning 23 soon. bugger...

how time flies. it's the time of the year where one makes new year resolutions once again! haha. according to my tradition, it's the usual category and segregation. :)

career.
haha, the easiest to talk about. hmmz, what's there to say? still working as usual. perhaps, i need to put in more effort to understand what i'm doing when i'm doing instead of trying to understand whenever something crops up. in a nutshell, have to be more focused even though my heart is screaming "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN". and perhaps, the company should consider revamping their policy of forcing people to take leave. argh. initially, i thought, it's not hard to force myself to do something that i don't enjoy, just do it. but, perhaps, in audit, it's not that easy to sit do something i don't enjoy. oh wells, with the bad economic situation, there's nothing much that i can do. sighs. haha. perhaps, should explore other options really soon (sighs... another headache...)

piano wise, it's the same as usual. just hope that my students taking exams will do well:) as for me, sighs, not practising as much as usual:( damn, i didn't realise that this would happen. with other aspects of my life flourishing, i sort of forgotten about this. don't want to give up though, i just need to reorganise the important things in my life.

family.
i love my family. enough said. :)

health.
doing well. happy! :)

love.
ahz. this topic. haha. not the usual musings that i would have. like being an independent woman, free of emotional entanglements........ etc. i found it:) just want to say, i enjoy u in my life. the little things that u do for me, i will remember and keep it close to my heart. thanks dear :) will do my best to make the effort to keep the relationship strong :)


that's about it... hope to have a good year ahead!

christmas is just around the corner! looking forward to it! there's the usual family dinner. good food! haha! i like it when the extended family gathers. there's just the warm feeling within me, where we cousins will just talk crap with each other, grown-ups catch-up and harmless teasing. :) this year would be a little different i guess. looking forward to u coming over :)

christmas this year would be special. having plans for once instead of the usual expectations. haha. i guess, it's because i'm spending it with u that makes it so meaningful. it'll be a great night :)

there will be a christmas lunch in the office tomorrow. haha, hope i get to win those wonder prices! :)

work is going on well, in the sense that i'm getting used to it. the routine, the expectations. however, dealing with the senior's expectations is another thing. sighs, audit is really a funny business. last year's and this year's team do really matter. it's so ironical that the processes within the client remains the same, yet, different teams audit to different extents. sometimes, which makes me think it's a lot of bullshit. sighs. and my senior just took me off the engagement that's with her. so it really speaks of my performance. oh wells, what can i do i guess. that's life, learn from my own mistakes. move on.... sighs...

will be catching up with lots of friends! can't wait! haha....

happy one month dear :) appreciate u being there for me. appreciate u always making me laugh. appreciate u for tolerating my idosyncracies. appreciate u for making the extra effort. appreciate u for understanding my schedule. the list goes on. appreciate u just for being there. :)

i really feel like saying things in a literal sense, but i find myself at a loss for words. because, i'm usually very direct with things. i don't like to beat around the bush. i don't want to hurt people's feelings, yet i'm contradicting myself. because i know that if i'm going to say things as it is, i'm really going to hurt the people who care about me.

looking at things from different perspectives really help. talking about things really help too. maybe it's not anyone else's fault, but just internal conflicts that need to be resolved, internal confusions that needs to be sorted out, internal issues that need to be compartmentalised.

perhaps, all in all, i really need to talk to myself. ask myself, what do i really want? what do i really need? instead of focusing on what i think i need at this point in my life. life happens at different stages. perhaps, what is needed in other people's life may not necessarily be needed in mine at this stage.

i've always thought that i'm the silly one. the kind that will live for it. but i'm not, and that really surprises me. is there something that i'm not seeing? is there something that is not there? i have the answer, yes, i do. it's very clear to me. but can i let go? it is this answer that i have that scares me.

i want things to be fair. even though i know that life is often unfair. my honesty will hurt. i know. but i don't want to lie anymore. i don't. perhaps, all that is lacking, it is the courage to let go.

and perhaps, the solution simply is, to give it more time. time heals all wounds. time can also reassure things.

i want to give it time. i don't want to be someone who says this, and does another. i care too much to brush it away, i care too much to leave it alone. if i say i don't know what i feel, i'll be lying, because i do.

and at the end of the day, i don't even know why i'm blogging about this. perhaps, just take things with a pinch of salt.

reading my last blog entry. many things have changed. how time flies.... haha...

where do i start?

i'm happy that u are so patient with me. happy when i'm with u. happy when u make me laugh. happy that u care for me.

i'm told to enjoy it while it lasts. :)

i am. i keep smiling. and that's a good thing.

yes, i'm afraid, but i'm not alone....

u turned back for me. that is enough. u care enough to turn back. i appreciate it very much. thank you for waiting.

i'm happy :)

i have my answer. i see alot of myself in u. and the more u try to say stupid things, the issue is going to get darker than it already is. sighs, why are guys so stupid at times. the more that u try to think that it is not, the more u will give thought to it. so why can't people just avoid the whole issue?

haha, i thought that i was the foolish one. so my friends were right, i was wrong. and when i was wrong, i tend to think too much about things. and even if i think too much, i guess, i need to, so that i can protect myself.

pushing people away. that's what i've done best. done that many times, and so far, none has stayed with me. i guess, it's an inate nature in me to push people away. i guess, the one that stays will be the one. and perhaps, it all boils down to me, having to make the effort to adapt to new things. i will not try anymore. i'm very tired, playing the guessing game. perhaps, i can set my mind at ease right now. irritating.

and its very childish to try and convey msg through msn. guys. they are just stupid.

oh wells, i'm bias and a bitch. live with it.