i realise that i do not like you as a person. i was thinking that i should be nice to you, since you are leaving. and i do not wish to have "unfinished" or "unpleasant" business with anyone. however, after today's alone time with you, i realise that i just can't communicate with you. be it the way u choose to hide things (seriously, i don't really care to know since you do not want to say), shows a lack of understanding human interaction and mannerism. it just irks me because you show yourself to be dishonest and full of secrecy. my policy is such that, if you do not want people to know, simply, just don't mention anything about the topic. but to say something and profess another, it's just not right. i do not wish to associate myself with you anymore. last time. that's it.

sighs, i hate it when people bring out the worse in me. why is it that often, i can see the way people are, yet they just lack insights. argh. i know it's unfair to judge someone so badly, it's just in plain view. argh. at least i can say, i'm honest and factual.

sometimes i wonder is it so important to follow the dreams of others? what others perceive may not be what you perceive. it may also not be the best. i just know that the decision that i make, has to come from within and not from others. in that way, i guess, the mistakes or the wrong path that i take, can be blamed on one but myself. oh wells....

ok. i have complained about my SM these few days. i do not like him. he's unreasonable, unfair and has unrealistic expectations. to learn under him, i really have to learn the hard way. on hindsight, i think i learn much more in this manner, albeit, i probably leave a bad impression on the SM. actually, i already have left a super damn bad impression on him, as he could actually threaten me with my ratings. on well, unknown to you, dear SM, probably, u can really see why i didn't apply to go to tax in the first place. whatever, sighs.

alot of us do not know what we want in life. maybe we think we do, or we like to pretend that we do, so that we can confidently tell everyone that we are moving in the right direction. also, many people who are not in our situation will think that we are just griping meaninglessly. however, most will not understand that this business is not for the faint-hearted, lack of office politics or a sense of remote ambitions. no matter what, i have a theory. it's a simple theory actually. do u want to make work your life?

if u think that a career is very improtant to you, by all means, go all out to impress your superiors, your managers and bosses. however, if you think that you are just earning a living to get by, then just treat it as something that gives u monetary value, and not think too much of it. and the old argument of, liking what one does comes about. yes, it's important to find something that u enjoy doing, but many might not know whtat it is yet. perhaps, just go along with what one is comfortable with? perhaps, doing something that u might not dread everyday? it may be a refreshing change after all. perhaps, for me, i know that at the end of the day, i will not stay in audit, there's really no point for me to hang on.

a piece of good news! i lost 2 kg! i'm so happy!!! hahahahahha..... herbalife rocks for now!

sleepy, hope the day ends soon, i want to go home!!

i simply love spending my day in JB. cheap food and movies! simply splendid! haha... it's now back in the boring office, doing NOTHING! haha.... i think many are jealous of me. oops :)

going to watch a concert at Yong Siew Toh later. hopefully, i'll get even more motivated to pursue my diploma. :) sighs, the lack of time is the most vital attribute of all. argh.

yawns, sleepy. i'm gonna read my online story book!

econs since i last blogged. on wells, been in a bad mood recently. don't know what's wrong. but the decision that i decided to make seems to have been a good one for me. at least, i'm not in so much of a bad mood. i'm focusing on what the future can be. :) hopefully, i can get what i want. anything to leave this place of nightmares.

tax, argh. sometimes, i think the higher management should just have realistic expectations from the staff. seriously, there's a reason why i'm in audit and not tax. cos my tax sucks? argh. hate it. i hate people having the expectation that i should know this and that. whatever. argh! anyway, hopefully, the work that i have handed in is up to his standard. i just don't want to look at it anymore. argh! at least i understand what the hell is going on. damn.

going to start on my diet regimen. haha. taking herbalife products. hope it works :) losing weight in a healthy manner :) think i need some getting used to it once more. haha, seriously, milk is not my kind of thing! nevertheless, i shall press on! :) i must stick to it! i must! lol... also, my exercise regimen! my 10km run is coming up, desperately in need of practising!! haha...

dear dear take care ok:) always be there for u! jiayou! muacks muacks!

14th August 2009

This post is supposed to be on this date. blogged on the wrong blog. haha.

hmm, haven't been blogging for quite some time already.... oh wells, been quite busy with tax computations lately. was quite stressed recently. was given a holding company and it was so difficult!! i can honestly say that i don't totally understand what i was doing. however, i did my best. oh wells, just have to wait for the review. guess that they don't really hold high expectations from us. haha. so i can just take my time in understanding. the sucky thing is, we have to work within a budget. that really sucks... so i'm just slacking now, and praying that there's nothing for me to do till 530. it's a friday! guess that everyone has no time for us. haha :)

i love my life now. at least, for the next 3 weeks, i can plan what to do after office hours. :) i can slp early...! haha! there's it's cons too. i can't slp at night :( perhaps, i'm less tired physically and mentally. and i slp too early! haha.... hope my panda eyes go away soon!! shoo! shoo! shoo!! relationships are funny things. sometimes, it's easy for me to say i finally found someone that i can depend on, that i can let down of my protective armour and let someone into my life. however, sometimes, i find that i have to be a source of strength for the other party. and i think i know why some relationships fail. it's becuase the female party forgets that they have to be a source of strength for their other half too. still trying to strike a balance and find what is comfortable:)

it's quite dis-heartening if people don't see that your relationship with your bf will last. oh well, i guess, it's one thing to take one's comments to heart and another thing to trust oneself. i choose to trust myself for now. :) ok, there's work coming up.... well, don't think it will last very long. and, i'm sick of macdonald!!

it has been quite a trumatic week.... piano wasn't the usual relief that i feel. i guess, miscommunication can be a deadly wound at all times. oh well, i decide to give the benefit of doubt to the prinicpal. i do not wish to question her motives. i do not wish to question my suspicions. i do not wish to question my loyalty and dedication to my students. i do not wish to think. till the next "hoo-ha" comes, i shall refuse to think and ponder about other options.

sighs. i hate practicality. where's the innocence of just teaching all the students. i guess, all i wanted was to challenge myself to bring out the potential in my students. promising students, i want to bring out the challenge in them. however, i guess, i will lose the opportunity soon. perhaps, from my student's perspective, it'll be better for them to find a new teacher? i don't know. all i know is that i try my best to improve. to build up on my knowledge. i don't know if it's enough. but i'm trying, and till now, i don't think that i've failed any of them. argh. hate it.

sometimes, i just wish that life is simple, really simple.

sighs, i need to lose weight. hate the me that i see in the mirror. argh. i swore to lose weight by CNY!! argh!

i'm bored.... tax so far, performing the simple computations, it's not that difficult, what's more with piror year to follow. sighs... the 2 "seniors" are not around, and i have nothing much to do. it'll be exciting when i realise that i may be charging too much to personal time. oh wells, i'll decide when it comes to that. bored....

met up with g ytd:) it's always nice to know how your classmates are doing. well, in the sense, one may be comparing whether one is on par with the person of our age. most of my classmates are becoming teachers. haha. seems that it's quite a good industry to go into. stable career, consistent pay... oh wells, predictability is also quite nice i guess. instead of being in the corporate industry, where many happenings daily is not predictable. i like teaching. didn't realise that i enjoy it. i enjoy interacting with my students, finding out how they have turned into, the kind of youngsters walking in our society, :) at least it adds value to my life. feeling a sense of satisfaction when i see my students do well, or overcoming their fear.

sometimes, when people are too pracitcal, it affects me too. i have to keep reminding myself that not everyone is like me, that they can give up comforts of their life to achieve satisfaction. perhaps the basic needs of monetary needs are not met. that's why. oh wells, each to his/her own. i guess, when one is happy with their life, that's all that matters? i'm happy that we still share freely, but guess that i can understand her much better and that makes it easier to talk to her. hope that things turn out well for her :)

the company is a scary place, really scary. seems like u come in with a big bang but leave without anyone knowing. rubbish...

should i or should i not? feel like though. think i'm gonna give it a try and see how things goes.... :)

meanwhile, i have an important task at hand. trying to look busy.