life transformers touches my heart in different ways with each episode. however, what never changes is the increase in my effort to show appreciation for the people who love and care for me. it never fail to amaze me how much i have in my life right now. i must learn to appreciate it and also help others who need help most. today's episode featured an overbearing mother. i hope that i will never become like her and also never meet one!! haha....

cny is coming!! haha, really looking forward to it. a week of no teaching. oops! sometimes it's quite tiring. but most of all, i usually have nothing much to do during the day. haha. however, one good thing that comes out of it is that i have more time to spend with my family :)

i guess, most things have its pros and cons. i think that i'm becoming more of a recluse as time goes by. not too sure though if it's a good or bad thing. i have been selfish in the past. guarding my time more preciously than most other things. things are the opposite now. guess i have to re-orient myself. :)

relationships are never easy to deal with. what is the hardest for me is managing expectations. i know it's hard for me to expect the other party to have the same standard as me. however, this feel will not dissipate easily. i guess, compromise. if only it is that easy. no matter what, learning new things as the relationship develops.

dear dear, take care of yourself ok:)

it has really been a long time since i last blogged. haha, many things have changed. i wanted to get the blogging habit back, but i've been a lazy person since the change of career. so, i'm a full-time piano teacher. anyone who wants piano lessons, u know who to look for!

it is really tough getting used to working so little hours per day. i've been working 7 days a week for the past year and a half. when u start breaking down things into details, i wondered how i manage to cope with it all. but i did, and i really need to thank my dear dear for being by my side and understanding my crazy and hectic schedule. thanks dear, i didn't know if u knew it or not, i know u wished that i could have more time for you. appreciate u for giving me my own space when i need it :)

the difference in schedule is something that i must acknowledge, get used to, and deal with it. so far, i think i'm still at stage 2. haha, but i will do my best. it's difficult, but i know that both of us will work hard to make it work. i have faith in us.

sometimes, i let doubts fester in my mind regarding my career path. but i guess, it's really too soon for me to make my decision. what keeps me going is the thought of getting my diploma. i really want to get it. somehow, i feel that it's really a good thing to take my diploma when i was in jc. sighs, too late for any regrets now. at this point in time, this diploma really mean a lot to me. i can't afford not to have a heck-care attitude that i used have towards my music when i was in sec sch. and this fear that i might not succeed the first time really gets to me now and then. but i just tell myself, to have faith in ms goh and myself. :)

still have to get used to working in a big organisation. argh, appearances, why is it so hard to maintain sometimes. argh, need to get used to the fact that i don't have good students all the time!!

cny resolution! to lose weight before cny!! haha hope that i can make it!
also, to get my blogging habit back!!

i guess, putting down my thoughts in writing would make things clearer, or not. u see, it's really sad that i have my family who doesn't support me in most of the things i do. i should have expected that. that's how my family works. that is why, it doesn't really affect me. the shouting, the putting-me-d0wn, the criticisims, i can deal with it. i have expected it, that's why, i can deal with it.

however, i cannot accept the fact that my father, wants to lecture me, telling me the way to work in the corporate world. perhaps, i have stopped accepting advice from my father a long time ago. simply, he doesn't really take into account my ideas, my thoughts and my circumstances. oh hindsight, i know that he wants the best for me, trying to protect me from the "dangers" of the corporate industry. however, he has never asked me about the nature of my work, never sought to understand how my industry works, and yet he wants to fester an opinion. i just can't accept that. is it so hard to just talk nicely to me? is it so difficult to just ask me about my work nature? why is it that other parents see the good in their children but mine doesn't. why is it that they are so affected by little things that doesn't mean anything at the end of the day?

i really don't want to fight with my father. i think that i can never ask him for any advice, never be close to him any longer. no matter how hard i try to remember the good that he has done for me, these constant fights just linger in me. why is it so hard for him to accept that we have grown up? why is it so hard for him to accept our ideas? he doesn't have to accept it, but listening to it is just enough. is it so hard for him to do that? must he want to bring it to the point till that he just refuses to accept other people's point of view and turn everyone else away?

i guess, at the end of the day, i'll just live the way i always have had. no lasting enemies. with regards to my family of course. haha. if i am happy with my life, i can determine failure and success to my liking. i don't have to see failure and success from another person's eyes. at the end of the day, i'm not living vicariously. i'm still living my life.

ok, i think i have been somewhat showing some attitude. but whatever, i simply can't care anymore. sometimes, it's just so tiring to care so much of what others think. perhaps, i'm numbing myself in a way, so that i would not miss audit too much when i'm away. sighs, i think that i have gotten used to audit. but perhaps, i will miss it as a result of the attitude that i'm showing now. haha, oops. so i guess, when the stress comes in, i will be in deep shit.

new a1s, argh! sometimes, i wish they would be more intelligent in asking questions. hope that i wasn't like that in the past. i know i wasn't that irritating. haha. oh wells, at least, it's nice to see the new people having the drive. hopefully, they can hang in there.

argh, be booked under that person's job next week. hope she doesn't give me any grief. my status is such that she will not bother about me i guess. haha. hopefully. and i wanna go home early!! oops....

i love fridays!!

ok, here it goes again. it's been more than one month since i last blogged. haha. quite a lot of things have changed. the things that i've grappled with for the past 3 months or so are going to disappear. what a relief. to be not sitting in the company and wishing for things to be different, but actually doing it. even though the response was somehow what i expect, still, dealing with it is not as easy as i thought.

my parents say the usual things that i expect. i mean, what can i expect them to say really? they have their concerns. but somehow, it's nice if they recognise that what i want might not be what they want for me? different people want different things in life. some people yearn for glamour, for power, for money, and so on. me, i yearn for simplicity for now. i thought that i can deal with the corportate world, but i was wrong. i don't want to live through the corporate world being unhappy, playing little games, acting in front of people. it's so tiring. maybe i'll miss it, being unable to interact with people of my age, but i'll live. not sure how i will take teaching piano full-time, but i'll figure it out. if not, i'll just try another thing to do. no matter what people think they know, no matter what people say, the ultimate decision lies in me. i guess, it's me being happy that matters most.

in singapore, people like to have success at their fingertips immediately. it's not wrong, to like to have a certainty to things. however, is that how the world works? i hope not. it'll be so tiring, lacking the courage to try different things and hating oneself for doing the things they don't like. ain't it a touture to live like that? i've been there. i've learnt the hard way. but i did. everything in life is a lesson to learn.

i enjoyed time by myself yesterday. watched coraline and my sister's keeper! coraline is very interesting. it certainly brings out the fact that little children should not be left alone too much. hope that i can be a good mother in future. haha. my sister's keeper, a tear jerker. sighs, it always struck me that people always regret when they lose something. so why can't people treasure it now, instead of getting affected by small issues that don't mean a thing. argh. guess that not everyone has the same sentiments as me.

sighs. waiting for the manager. hopefully she doesn't come and i can slack. haha. well, i certainly can wish...!

i realise that i do not like you as a person. i was thinking that i should be nice to you, since you are leaving. and i do not wish to have "unfinished" or "unpleasant" business with anyone. however, after today's alone time with you, i realise that i just can't communicate with you. be it the way u choose to hide things (seriously, i don't really care to know since you do not want to say), shows a lack of understanding human interaction and mannerism. it just irks me because you show yourself to be dishonest and full of secrecy. my policy is such that, if you do not want people to know, simply, just don't mention anything about the topic. but to say something and profess another, it's just not right. i do not wish to associate myself with you anymore. last time. that's it.

sighs, i hate it when people bring out the worse in me. why is it that often, i can see the way people are, yet they just lack insights. argh. i know it's unfair to judge someone so badly, it's just in plain view. argh. at least i can say, i'm honest and factual.

sometimes i wonder is it so important to follow the dreams of others? what others perceive may not be what you perceive. it may also not be the best. i just know that the decision that i make, has to come from within and not from others. in that way, i guess, the mistakes or the wrong path that i take, can be blamed on one but myself. oh wells....

ok. i have complained about my SM these few days. i do not like him. he's unreasonable, unfair and has unrealistic expectations. to learn under him, i really have to learn the hard way. on hindsight, i think i learn much more in this manner, albeit, i probably leave a bad impression on the SM. actually, i already have left a super damn bad impression on him, as he could actually threaten me with my ratings. on well, unknown to you, dear SM, probably, u can really see why i didn't apply to go to tax in the first place. whatever, sighs.

alot of us do not know what we want in life. maybe we think we do, or we like to pretend that we do, so that we can confidently tell everyone that we are moving in the right direction. also, many people who are not in our situation will think that we are just griping meaninglessly. however, most will not understand that this business is not for the faint-hearted, lack of office politics or a sense of remote ambitions. no matter what, i have a theory. it's a simple theory actually. do u want to make work your life?

if u think that a career is very improtant to you, by all means, go all out to impress your superiors, your managers and bosses. however, if you think that you are just earning a living to get by, then just treat it as something that gives u monetary value, and not think too much of it. and the old argument of, liking what one does comes about. yes, it's important to find something that u enjoy doing, but many might not know whtat it is yet. perhaps, just go along with what one is comfortable with? perhaps, doing something that u might not dread everyday? it may be a refreshing change after all. perhaps, for me, i know that at the end of the day, i will not stay in audit, there's really no point for me to hang on.

a piece of good news! i lost 2 kg! i'm so happy!!! hahahahahha..... herbalife rocks for now!

sleepy, hope the day ends soon, i want to go home!!