february till now, 5 months exactly. haha, that's how long i've been out of action. sighs, people seem to want to blog whenever there's issues. sighs. teaching, like everything else, has it's ups and downs, and i believe that everything is linked. one thing leads to another. sighs.

sad truth 1: you have put in so much effort for your student and have seen improvement, yet, the mother chooses to entrust the child to another teacher.

sad truth 2: you are the last to know about sad truth 1.

sad truth 3: you should booklick the admin to prevent sad truth 2.

the mother of all truths: i know that i cannot expect everyone to like me, but it hurts so much, when as a teacher, i'm already planning the progress of my student and this has to happen. FUCK. perhaps, the stupid mother should stop looking at my appearance (oh, and she's so not subtle, looking at me from head to toe every single week), where none other parents have any problems with, and judge me. rejection, a process which takes place in many circumstances in life, where i have yet to fully comprehend. damn, it matters so much more when it's your livelihood. sighs.

and the stupid admin, which lacks of simple decency to inform me. FUCK. i have been nothing short of polite to them, not unlike QMC. yes, granted that i'm not friendly, but i have been polite. and this is the treatment i get. i will get my revenge (it's not childish and mindless, it's just fighting for my rights!!!), yes, i will. all the problems that i have with my students, will not be mine anymore. why should i adhere to the rules so much and to face disappointment in people that i have been cordial and polite with. argh.

damn, if i could anticipate all these problems, things would be so much easier. perhaps, having the experience and mindset to deal with all these, these would not affect me so much!! sucks big time. i guess, just part and parcel of my job. argh!!!

my conscience is clear. i always teach well, seen by the results that i produce and the rapport i have with students and parents. i guess, it's inate in me to just not get along with people managing me. haha, my problem again? well, i guess, at least i know my own strengths and weaknesses.

other things... i know i'm not an easy person to be with. often bad-tempered, sighs. i know that many things can't be helped, i know that i have to be more understanding. but sometimes, it's hard to control my emotions when things matter to me so much. still learning on dealing with my relationship. thing we are managing well, despite many downs recently. all part and parcel of learning :) thanks for being my understanding dear :)

can't wait to go genting!!

the cny holidays are ending for me today. next, it's gonna be one month of teaching before i have a break. oh wells, at least i'm not dreading to go teaching as compared to the past year, where i have to physically drag myself out of the comforts of my bed. :) teaching full-time now, i can totally get the customer-oriented feel. sighs, everything about business is being customer-oriented. the realities of life. at least, it is easier than audit. would i go back to the corporate industry? it is still too early for me to come to any decision yet. i'm happy where i'm now, guess that's all that matters right now.

many thoughts swirled in my mind during this cny period. mainly to deal with people. the negative thoughts and feelings that i have to a certain cousin always arise during this period. it will take about a week for this unhealthy thoughts to dissipate. sighs. i have always hated this stupid feeling. i guess, it's mainly due to my mom's relentless competitive streak regarding them. however, during this cny, things have changed. i have understood that it's the adults that have created this ridiculous barrier. i can't close this barrier right now, but i have resolved this negative feeling that i have. :) not totally, but most of it. i think, during the next year, same period, i'm able to view things differently.

it's really funny how i'm able to dish out advice for others yet unable to apply the same logic regarding myself. however, we must always think out of context, where, even without the status, we are able to achieve the things we want to. sounds confusing? just a simple example: i have always wanted to see the world, the different environments that people live in. i can achieve that as long as i have the monetary means. this may not be due to my occupational status, but the financial decisions i make in my life. i have to get that occupational status does not equate to financial status. i'm still learning :)

learning, a life-long journey. still learning, regarding relationships. haha, things are certainly not a bed of roses. expectations have changed, and effort less needed as we understand each other more. less compromise have occurred as we understand each others moods and thought processes. well, i believe that as long as we commit and make the effort, anything can last. :)

it really has been a long time since i last blogged :)

i'm wondering how am i able to like my sunday class wholly. haix, i still can't find the excitement for teaching on sundays. perhaps, it's because of that student of mine. argh. teaching piano has it's stress too. since it's a relatively large organisation, i can't do things my own way. to think that they even remind you to be patient to your students =.= oh wells, i'm earning my keep from them, guess some level of conformity is needed?

had the yearly reunion dinner last night. perhaps i'm feeling tired? i don't seem to mind alot about the things that used to bother me. :) guess it's better, as in i save my energy in bothering about unimportant things. however, it also shows that i've matured in some ways. perhaps, understanding who am i, what i want and what i have is more important then some previous generation's rivalry. haha, one thing that doesn't change: when i dislike something/someone, i will just move away from that object. haha, i just don't like u guys. period. :)

getting used to my life and routine right now. :) hopefully, i'll be ready for the exams by next year. my target is this year, to get all my pieces ready, to drill down in technicalities after that. however, the practising right now is harder, having to inculcate many things at once. haha. it's easier to demand that of my students then for myself!! discipline! not a great problem of me, but, must maintain still!

i guess, i choose my wars nowadays. when i see a discussion that i am able to give my 2 cents worth but will lead to a heated argument, i choose to shut up. sometimes, i feel that i've lost the will to fight, but perhaps, i'm just more elitist? i choose the people that i want to speak to. oops, shoot me! but perhaps, i'm more used to like-minded people i guess:)

yay! going to body world tmr! can't wait to spend the day with my dear dear!

life transformers touches my heart in different ways with each episode. however, what never changes is the increase in my effort to show appreciation for the people who love and care for me. it never fail to amaze me how much i have in my life right now. i must learn to appreciate it and also help others who need help most. today's episode featured an overbearing mother. i hope that i will never become like her and also never meet one!! haha....

cny is coming!! haha, really looking forward to it. a week of no teaching. oops! sometimes it's quite tiring. but most of all, i usually have nothing much to do during the day. haha. however, one good thing that comes out of it is that i have more time to spend with my family :)

i guess, most things have its pros and cons. i think that i'm becoming more of a recluse as time goes by. not too sure though if it's a good or bad thing. i have been selfish in the past. guarding my time more preciously than most other things. things are the opposite now. guess i have to re-orient myself. :)

relationships are never easy to deal with. what is the hardest for me is managing expectations. i know it's hard for me to expect the other party to have the same standard as me. however, this feel will not dissipate easily. i guess, compromise. if only it is that easy. no matter what, learning new things as the relationship develops.

dear dear, take care of yourself ok:)

it has really been a long time since i last blogged. haha, many things have changed. i wanted to get the blogging habit back, but i've been a lazy person since the change of career. so, i'm a full-time piano teacher. anyone who wants piano lessons, u know who to look for!

it is really tough getting used to working so little hours per day. i've been working 7 days a week for the past year and a half. when u start breaking down things into details, i wondered how i manage to cope with it all. but i did, and i really need to thank my dear dear for being by my side and understanding my crazy and hectic schedule. thanks dear, i didn't know if u knew it or not, i know u wished that i could have more time for you. appreciate u for giving me my own space when i need it :)

the difference in schedule is something that i must acknowledge, get used to, and deal with it. so far, i think i'm still at stage 2. haha, but i will do my best. it's difficult, but i know that both of us will work hard to make it work. i have faith in us.

sometimes, i let doubts fester in my mind regarding my career path. but i guess, it's really too soon for me to make my decision. what keeps me going is the thought of getting my diploma. i really want to get it. somehow, i feel that it's really a good thing to take my diploma when i was in jc. sighs, too late for any regrets now. at this point in time, this diploma really mean a lot to me. i can't afford not to have a heck-care attitude that i used have towards my music when i was in sec sch. and this fear that i might not succeed the first time really gets to me now and then. but i just tell myself, to have faith in ms goh and myself. :)

still have to get used to working in a big organisation. argh, appearances, why is it so hard to maintain sometimes. argh, need to get used to the fact that i don't have good students all the time!!

cny resolution! to lose weight before cny!! haha hope that i can make it!
also, to get my blogging habit back!!

i guess, putting down my thoughts in writing would make things clearer, or not. u see, it's really sad that i have my family who doesn't support me in most of the things i do. i should have expected that. that's how my family works. that is why, it doesn't really affect me. the shouting, the putting-me-d0wn, the criticisims, i can deal with it. i have expected it, that's why, i can deal with it.

however, i cannot accept the fact that my father, wants to lecture me, telling me the way to work in the corporate world. perhaps, i have stopped accepting advice from my father a long time ago. simply, he doesn't really take into account my ideas, my thoughts and my circumstances. oh hindsight, i know that he wants the best for me, trying to protect me from the "dangers" of the corporate industry. however, he has never asked me about the nature of my work, never sought to understand how my industry works, and yet he wants to fester an opinion. i just can't accept that. is it so hard to just talk nicely to me? is it so difficult to just ask me about my work nature? why is it that other parents see the good in their children but mine doesn't. why is it that they are so affected by little things that doesn't mean anything at the end of the day?

i really don't want to fight with my father. i think that i can never ask him for any advice, never be close to him any longer. no matter how hard i try to remember the good that he has done for me, these constant fights just linger in me. why is it so hard for him to accept that we have grown up? why is it so hard for him to accept our ideas? he doesn't have to accept it, but listening to it is just enough. is it so hard for him to do that? must he want to bring it to the point till that he just refuses to accept other people's point of view and turn everyone else away?

i guess, at the end of the day, i'll just live the way i always have had. no lasting enemies. with regards to my family of course. haha. if i am happy with my life, i can determine failure and success to my liking. i don't have to see failure and success from another person's eyes. at the end of the day, i'm not living vicariously. i'm still living my life.

ok, i think i have been somewhat showing some attitude. but whatever, i simply can't care anymore. sometimes, it's just so tiring to care so much of what others think. perhaps, i'm numbing myself in a way, so that i would not miss audit too much when i'm away. sighs, i think that i have gotten used to audit. but perhaps, i will miss it as a result of the attitude that i'm showing now. haha, oops. so i guess, when the stress comes in, i will be in deep shit.

new a1s, argh! sometimes, i wish they would be more intelligent in asking questions. hope that i wasn't like that in the past. i know i wasn't that irritating. haha. oh wells, at least, it's nice to see the new people having the drive. hopefully, they can hang in there.

argh, be booked under that person's job next week. hope she doesn't give me any grief. my status is such that she will not bother about me i guess. haha. hopefully. and i wanna go home early!! oops....

i love fridays!!