frustrated by things. any relationships are not easy to manage. yet, humans are social creatures. it's so complex. damn, and so far, the most challenging relationships that i've faced are family ones. finding myself affected by things, people. when, i usually forget them relatively easily. oh wells, one can't really stop the mind from wandering if the thoughts just come to me. sometimes, all of us must learn to let go better. i can do it, but learning to let go is not as easy as it sounds. i've always live by the policy of letting people do what they want, live how they want, as long as they are not hurting anyone. it's not as easy as it sounds as, but i can do it. and the point is, i realise i've let go at this point already. so, if others really want to nitpick at things, thinking that life is really pathetic for them, and everyone is at fault but themselves, i can only respect the decision that they have made. no matter what, it's a free country.

sighs, piano students, can't they just practise for once?

have to get my motivation for piano playing back. it's really not there right now :(

concovation is just a month and half away. don't even know what am i looking forward to anymore... life goes on, with a purpose, i've to find mine?

it seems as though all the thoughts i had in mind had disappeared. oh wells.... been away for quite a while, to be exact, 4-5 weeks. the first 3 was in europe, while the next 10 days were in australia. different places, different feelings. let's deal with the most recent one first:

australia.

we were in darwin and melbourne. darwin, i enjoyed the quietness. it was unlike singapore of course, a little town, with a small population. it's a pity that i didn't get to go around more places while i was there. perhaps, one day, but maybe not, many other places to visit.

melbourne, a bustling city. the shops close too early for my liking. well, different city, different culture. the first thing that struck me was the squareness of the city. everything street is well-labeled and organised. perhaps, a little too straight for my liking. but then, i feel right at home there, probably because of the vast asian population there. things are expensive there of course, oh wells, didn't have much time to explore the city throughly too. that's also a pity. will i return? hard to say, many other places to visit as well. haha. there's always many other places to visit.

expectations

perhaps, my expectations from the trip was very high. i thought that this is a group trip. since everyone agreed to go on the trip, there should be the effort to interact and make it a group thing, without any complicated relationship entanglements. as usual, i'm wrong. it was fun during the start, fun doesn't usually last. it was obvious that not everyone share my thoughts. people usually like to stick with what they know and am comfortable with, i can't argue with that. at least, i made the effort. even if nothing comes out of it, i've tried, and i can live with that. i'm idealistic, wanting the best, but it didn't materialise, but i've tried. once, i left, and i thought, it was a wrong decision. so, i try again now. it reaffirms the decision that i've made the first time i guess. it's time for me to acknowledge the truth that not everyone can hang around one another. perhaps, that's another facet of life that i have to learn.

perhaps, my actions also depict otherwise? sighs, what to do, can't really know what others think about me unless they say?

it's really great to be able to talk to you again. i really feel very comfortable around you. one of the few that i can share my thoughts as it is. i just don't understand, and till this day, i have not figured it out. there's this invisible barrier between us that always appear now and then. we don't really talk about it, yet, after a long period of not talking, we can still talk comfortably. i probably gave more thought to this friendship than i thought, and yet, things are always bumpy for us. move on. these 2 words seem equally hard for both of us. minor and seemingly unimportant things always magnify in my actions to u and vice versa. perhaps, that's the invisible barrier that is not worked out yet. competition? comparison? well, one day, God will show me the light of this friendship.

so, life, is really not a bed of roses. 2 more months of rest before starting work. have many things to sort out, basically, what i wanna do with my life. talk about my europe trip in the next entry. tired.... so long....

Free-IQTest.net

Free-IQTest.net - IQ Test

sometimes it's really disappointing how people behave. perhaps, on our part, we shouldn't have force, but still.... sighs... i didn't know you very well but still, just wonder is it my "privilege" to see this side of you? actually something i rather do without

but still, it's good to see that others are doing well.

exams are coming.

so is my overseas trip.

let's clear them one by one.

sometimes, it's really easy to tell from one's behaviour. i have given up already. it's really tiring to go from having expectations to realising that it's all rubbish. from the show of why why love, if there's no expectations, means there's no hope. maybe i should just start living by this motto, or have i not already?

tired. tired of starting to feel tied down once again. sigh, i don't understand why u always have that effect of me. trying not to think that u are using me, yet it is so hard not to. perhaps, it really is just a coincidence that circumstances are always such that.

trying to find the motivation to understand complex concepts, do my homework, go to class. and yet, it is not there....

finally, all the quizzes are over for now.... i have not had so many quizzes in my entire uni life except for this semester. studying studying and studying. hopefully, i can pass today's quiz, but not completely sure that i can. sighs. the only thing that i can look forward to is not to fail that badly i guess.

still about school stuff, my presentation question for audit is out. sighs. more interactions with smart people again. it doesn't affect me as much as before, just that i hope to be able to study for my subjects and go to class peacefully without feeling so aargh!!

things are good now, really good :)

i don't know, i really don't know. i seem to think about you more often then not nowadays. it is even more so after i've seen you. however, it will die down the next day till i see you the next time. i don't think that i've fallen for you but just the kind of happiness that is hard to describe. however, i'm wondering if i'm suppressing what i can feel just because i'm afraid. anyway, i'm leaving everything for God to decide. not that affected by it yet, which i don't think i will unless you do something, which i know you will not. haha. don't really want any hinderance while i'm studying for now.... :)

it's really heart-warming when my students take the initiative to share part of their lives with me. it's even more heart-warming when the quiet ones even take the initiative to talk to me about their school lives. it's even more heart-warming when a new student trusts u completely to talk to u about their lives without asking. that is when i believe i have make a little difference in their lives. most important of all, i just want them to achieve their potential in piano playing... :)

sigh. i hate to thing about this issue. damn. don't understand why this issue will subconsciously creep into my thoughts... GO AWAY! I DON'T NEED YOU! God, I believe in You.