Thursday, May 31, 2007

4

finally, one day of rest.... sigh, working is becoming a dread, day after day, doing things that is just so irritatingly irritating. i tend to fidget most of the time and is really punctual when it's time for break. i really wonder how am i going to spend the rest of my life desk-bound. even when i'm out at client's place, i tend to stand and do my work. i'm so dead, is there any job that doesn't require me to stay still? haiz, i can just dream on? yeah....

woke up at 1130 am today, and got a shock. have not have the luxury of staying in late for a while. was at the power house last night, the music was nice, better than mos. guess that i can never be a clubbing gal, can't really enjoy it totally. just can't get into the mind of people who do enjoy it. haha. however, observing the nightlife in singapore once in a while kind of make me feel that i'm not so stuck in my world of normalcy.

once again, could not help but think about stuff, guess that, most of us often do think about things, it's only whether we bother to air our thoughts. feeling rather relaxed nowadays, with a sense of newfound freedom, that i'm not being restricted, bounded or even have the obligation towards anything. this feeling would not last for long, however, i shall enjoy it while it last. everything has an expiry date, and, my freedom, it will, but i will find it again... =)

i think, i'm done with trying to maintain a friendship, or even normal working relationships. hate the young sometimes, there is definitely a generation gap, and i don't even understand why am i doing so much, perhaps, i pity u, and i let it bother me. well, i hate not being able to speak my mind towards anything, i hate being restricted just because of the presence of certain people, well, screw u, i'm not going to try anymore. whatever sympathy i have, it's gone... =)

sigh, work=no time. many things i want to do, stuff i want arrange, yet, i'm being restricted by work, which, i have to be restricted even more in future. however, one good thing is that i can daydream. haha.... oops, it's our secret... =)

have u ever wondered how it feels to be loved so much, yet expecting nothing in return. for the receipient of this love, it's free, however, for the person giving this love, it comes at a high cost. i have been at both ends before, and, it's a burden. the reason that i mentioned this is that ps has let me think about things. haha, just can't help but muse at my own situation.

love, which gal doesn't one to be in it. which gal doesn't want to be protected, to trust, to have the security of someone, the fact that u know u have someone by your side wherever u want. kind of tired, that i have to constantly look out for myself. however, happy, that i do not have to commit towards anything. how do u strike this balance? the grass seems to be always greener on the other side, but is it really? at what cost, sometimes, people pay when they are in a couple. haha, i'm cynical. well, so long, i guess, it comes, it comes.

Dear God, the faith to love, believe and trust You, has deepened. Thank you.

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