i do understand that one changes with the environment, with time and even with the people u hang out with. basically, everyone changes to almost anything. sigh, how i wish i'm not feeling all these negative thoughts towards u. i can't help but think that i'm obligated towards you and i resent feeling that. it seems as though our relationship has not changed at all. u are still u, yet, am i the one that has changed that much? once, i treasure u alot. so much so that i care too deeply about what is happening towards u. however, now, i just don't feel like replying. i feel so tired. am i ready to give it all up? i don't know yet. once, your jokes seem to cheer me up a lot. now, i find it tiring to respond to u. can i ever give him up? we shared so much. yet, this relationship doesn't seem to be able to grow. i feel so stifled whenever you are around. i've been making excuses to avoid u. haiz.
my heart gave a lurch just now. why oh why, that does this wall of mine is unable to be broken down by anyone? i've read a book today called safe harbour. there was this line from the book, saying, i can feel my wall slowly being chipped away by.... how i yearn to say this very phrase one day. one fine day.
i find my defences breaking down today. damn, i realise that i've forgotten to protect myself once again. i allow myself to feel for something that i've forgotten for a while. well, that's really life?
hopefully, the resolve to study stays on. sigh. sigh.
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