7

so it comes one day, the feeling of tiredness, the unwillingness to carry on, the reluctance to wake up, the refusal to believe of a good start, basically, the routine mechanism of life that threatens every essence of my very existence right now.

i've always resisted any form to tie me down to a system. through this internship stint, it just reinforces my habits, the way i want to live life. i can't stand sitting behind the desk and not doing anything else except just work. i keep fidgeting and trying not to fall asleep. damn, if u can see the number of times i yawn.... haiz, and the worse thing is, working under someone, i hate answering to anybody with regards to anything. someone, all the signs keep pointing to another career path. right now, don't really know what i want to do, but, i do fear choosing the wrong road and being unhappy for the rest of the next seven years or so.... sigh...

i dislike the politics in school, i hate the politics at work. i hate being judge of my capabilities, i hate being compared to another, i hate having to prove myself of something, i hate the look when your senior gives when a mistake is committed. maybe i'm a teeny weeny bit sensitive, i just hate being ruled, judged and observed. sometimes, i really wonder, where does this lead me then? somehow, i'm trapped in my body, where my soul yearns to fly.... to a place where i know i truly be contended.... the answer, i think i have, the resolute, i've yet to acquire, the consequences, i don't want to even imagine...

life is truly meaningless.... well, practicality still rules the day... another year, it will pass quickly, and i may just be able to kiss all the things that don't matter good bye....