my students' practical results are out! haha. i have 8 students taking exams. grade 3: distinction! grade 1: merit! the others, pass! haha! i'm happy! seeing the happy looks on my students' faces put a smile on mine! some of them, were just whiskers away from a merit or distinction. well, i'm glad their faces reflect are the determination to do better! it makes me feel that everything is worthwhile. all the make up, scolding and exasperation! the next round is coming up! hopefully, more students will do better! can't wait! just hope that i have the opportunity to be there to see their joyful and happy faces next year!
can't say that about my studies though. haha!
talking about music, i can't say that for myself. :( recently, much projects' datelines are around the corner. i didn't have much chance to practise. kind of disappointed and sad, but, i'm gonna try and practise more!!! i want to do well myself too! :)
i was surprised that u are attached already. i didn't expect that u would be in such a haste. i thought u were more rational then that. in many ways, i'm glad for u. perhaps, u can realise that the world doesn't revolve around only u, learn to care for others before putting yourself first and most important of all, better yourself because of your other half. no matter what your reasons are, i wish u all the best. and may it last while it can.
haha, it's really funny how things change so quickly. just last week, i happen to see that your nick reflects "i just can't forget u". oh well, haha. i'm just being egoistic. bear with me! =P sometimes, i do wish that things were different. that we didn't know each other under such circumstances. that i can get myself to fall enough for u to accept u. but, u'll have to be another person i guess. haha. nobody's perfect.
when someone's an only child, it's inevitable that they are individualistic. it stems from their upbringing, where the centre of attention is only on them. in addition, they lack the caring factor for others too. i happen to have a grp mate like that, and it just makes me pissed that she's damn self-centred in caring only for herself. well, 2 can play the game. i can be nasty to, and u have tested my patience far too much. grow up. whatever, just do something. damn pissed.
i happen to see on channel u's shoot programme, where the topic was, are teenagers unable to express themselves as they hide more and more behind the computer and using online chats as their wall. well, i do agree, because, i realise that the people aroud me also hide their true self alot on msn. i guess, that can't be helped, everyone has a protective layer they want to hide. hmm, depending on the degree i guess. is it good or bad? i don't think it's very good, because, we have cultivated a culture of hiding all the time. it's scary that we are unable to express ourselves adequately, in terms of emotions in reality. it's really sad to see this happening.
do you believe that u can tell alot by the look in one's eyes. i didn't use to believe that, till i started to realise that i'm kind of right. unless the person's eyes is really small. haha! it's scary on how much one can read, how much the other party wants to hide. the steely look will wash over the eyes. i have seen it, scary. why did i mention this? perhaps, i have been doing projects with different people, and, just happen to observe it.
i'm feel indifferent about u. i wish that things were much different, that u didn't tell me anything. but, i do know about it now, and, i hate the power i have over u. i wish that u have the courage to try, fight for the things u want, instead of living so much in the past. i really want to help, but i don't have the heart anymore. i really want to give this up, i'm tired. much too tired. am i avoiding u? i really have no idea. sigh. will it resolve soon?
projects are ending soon! yes!
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
a sudden urge
it's sort of in the middle of the night and i suddenly feel very much like blogging. haha. been feeling pretty good these few days. perhaps, the cloud of gloom has gone away and i can smile easier now. right now, many projects suddenly playing the catching game with me. sigh, i just resent projects sometimes. they are like hindering me from studying. well, 205 is gonna be down soon, which i'm so glad of. =)
206, oh wells, it's just kind of hard to do a proj when i don't really have any idea what is going on. been trying, but its really very confusing. haha, what much of a choice do i have, perhaps, just to cope with it. maybe, i'll survive fine after the storm. a little wet but not drenched. hopefully! =)
311, hmm, kind of hard to say whether it is easy or difficult for me right now. however, i'm enjoying lessons with the tutor. i can't believe it, i'm actually travelling 3 hours to have a 2 hrs lesson with him. well, i think, the tutor does really affect the interest towards a subject. it's been the case for me for the past 2 years. hopefully, this is also no exception. =)
sometimes, when i don't see, i don't remember. and when i see, i remember. a lot in fact. i keep scolding myself for being useless. it's been abt a year already, yet, i still feel some anger towards him. i guess, it's not easy to put down totally. perhaps, putting down is easy, but, totally, it's impossible. by hardening myself against whatever he stands for, the people around him, i may be able to prevent myself from softening my stance towards anything about him. perhaps, u may wonder if it is a heavy price to pay? well, i've never thought that it is, perhaps, the monster that i see in him, is able to overwhelm any other factors.
yes, i'm taking a lot of preventive measures, which, i believe, is necessary. i think it is difficult for some people to understand why is it so hard to take the tiny step out of the turtle shell and feel for another again. i don't know. for me, i just don't want to get hurt again. the need not to get hurt does really overwrite the feeling to fall in love. one may think it is stupid to have all these defences just because of one person. well, i have no answer for that, except that, it is very painful to get hurt. the ache in my hurt went away after quite some time and it is still there, perhaps, not constantly, but little waves here and then. it is enough, to remind myself, i cannot let another similar incident from happening, to get hurt again.
who doesn't want to fall in love? who doesn't want to feel protected all the time? who doesn't want to be able to depend on another person for emotional things? if i do meet someone who can give me all that, i think i'll fall in love pretty soon. but is it that easy? i know that God has the perfect person for me, perhaps, it's not the time yet. then, i shall wait for Him, to lead me to the one. be patient i guess. i've learnt not to yearn anymore. be at peace. =)
having fun with the people i'm hanging out with nowadays. we maybe be aquaintances, but, i feel happier nowadays. perhaps, we should be thankful for the little things, and not be unhappy for the things we expect but can't get.
ok, have to go to bed already! 1:43 am....
206, oh wells, it's just kind of hard to do a proj when i don't really have any idea what is going on. been trying, but its really very confusing. haha, what much of a choice do i have, perhaps, just to cope with it. maybe, i'll survive fine after the storm. a little wet but not drenched. hopefully! =)
311, hmm, kind of hard to say whether it is easy or difficult for me right now. however, i'm enjoying lessons with the tutor. i can't believe it, i'm actually travelling 3 hours to have a 2 hrs lesson with him. well, i think, the tutor does really affect the interest towards a subject. it's been the case for me for the past 2 years. hopefully, this is also no exception. =)
sometimes, when i don't see, i don't remember. and when i see, i remember. a lot in fact. i keep scolding myself for being useless. it's been abt a year already, yet, i still feel some anger towards him. i guess, it's not easy to put down totally. perhaps, putting down is easy, but, totally, it's impossible. by hardening myself against whatever he stands for, the people around him, i may be able to prevent myself from softening my stance towards anything about him. perhaps, u may wonder if it is a heavy price to pay? well, i've never thought that it is, perhaps, the monster that i see in him, is able to overwhelm any other factors.
yes, i'm taking a lot of preventive measures, which, i believe, is necessary. i think it is difficult for some people to understand why is it so hard to take the tiny step out of the turtle shell and feel for another again. i don't know. for me, i just don't want to get hurt again. the need not to get hurt does really overwrite the feeling to fall in love. one may think it is stupid to have all these defences just because of one person. well, i have no answer for that, except that, it is very painful to get hurt. the ache in my hurt went away after quite some time and it is still there, perhaps, not constantly, but little waves here and then. it is enough, to remind myself, i cannot let another similar incident from happening, to get hurt again.
who doesn't want to fall in love? who doesn't want to feel protected all the time? who doesn't want to be able to depend on another person for emotional things? if i do meet someone who can give me all that, i think i'll fall in love pretty soon. but is it that easy? i know that God has the perfect person for me, perhaps, it's not the time yet. then, i shall wait for Him, to lead me to the one. be patient i guess. i've learnt not to yearn anymore. be at peace. =)
having fun with the people i'm hanging out with nowadays. we maybe be aquaintances, but, i feel happier nowadays. perhaps, we should be thankful for the little things, and not be unhappy for the things we expect but can't get.
ok, have to go to bed already! 1:43 am....
Friday, October 5, 2007
all about relationships
i do understand that one changes with the environment, with time and even with the people u hang out with. basically, everyone changes to almost anything. sigh, how i wish i'm not feeling all these negative thoughts towards u. i can't help but think that i'm obligated towards you and i resent feeling that. it seems as though our relationship has not changed at all. u are still u, yet, am i the one that has changed that much? once, i treasure u alot. so much so that i care too deeply about what is happening towards u. however, now, i just don't feel like replying. i feel so tired. am i ready to give it all up? i don't know yet. once, your jokes seem to cheer me up a lot. now, i find it tiring to respond to u. can i ever give him up? we shared so much. yet, this relationship doesn't seem to be able to grow. i feel so stifled whenever you are around. i've been making excuses to avoid u. haiz.
my heart gave a lurch just now. why oh why, that does this wall of mine is unable to be broken down by anyone? i've read a book today called safe harbour. there was this line from the book, saying, i can feel my wall slowly being chipped away by.... how i yearn to say this very phrase one day. one fine day.
i find my defences breaking down today. damn, i realise that i've forgotten to protect myself once again. i allow myself to feel for something that i've forgotten for a while. well, that's really life?
hopefully, the resolve to study stays on. sigh. sigh.
my heart gave a lurch just now. why oh why, that does this wall of mine is unable to be broken down by anyone? i've read a book today called safe harbour. there was this line from the book, saying, i can feel my wall slowly being chipped away by.... how i yearn to say this very phrase one day. one fine day.
i find my defences breaking down today. damn, i realise that i've forgotten to protect myself once again. i allow myself to feel for something that i've forgotten for a while. well, that's really life?
hopefully, the resolve to study stays on. sigh. sigh.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
i need more motivation
if only i can feel more towards doing well for quizzes. sigh, i don't even feel as though the world is falling down on me even though i will fail the quiz. sigh, i don't even feel down that i don't really know how to do any questions. sigh, can i feel more about my studies? somehow, the quiz seems to be a hinderance to the finals. yeah, stupid thoughts on my part, but still, they come. i don't have the full confidence of doing well, yet, right now, i just don't feel like doing anything about it yet. if so, when is the right time? damn, i really do see things from too much perspectives.
sometimes, i wonder, am i that different from others? everyone around me is so concerned about their studies. even though there's some who doesn't show it, the fact that they keep talking about it shows. sigh, i don't even want to talk about it. i have long stopped thinking what is my niche, the lack of it, or even whether am i going down the right path. as long as i can get a job, i have no other worries. sigh, can i get just a little bit of motivation? sigh.
well, another thing that perks me up! hikaru! this anime is so nice.. i've been chasing after if for a few days. perhaps, after i've finished it, i'll get back to studying! haha.... =)
suddenly, i feel that there are many strangers around me. it seems we were friends before, but now, everything just changes. i can't help but muse at the uncertainty of change. change is good i believe. it's hard to imagine life as a constant. that'll be quite boring. however, one thing that strikes me is that people are bothering to keep up with appearances much. well, perhaps, life is always like that. we can't always expect the idyllic aspects of life.
many projects are upcoming. hopefully, they'll all go away soon and i concentrate on studying. whatever time that i have left. sigh... =(
sometimes, i wonder, am i that different from others? everyone around me is so concerned about their studies. even though there's some who doesn't show it, the fact that they keep talking about it shows. sigh, i don't even want to talk about it. i have long stopped thinking what is my niche, the lack of it, or even whether am i going down the right path. as long as i can get a job, i have no other worries. sigh, can i get just a little bit of motivation? sigh.
well, another thing that perks me up! hikaru! this anime is so nice.. i've been chasing after if for a few days. perhaps, after i've finished it, i'll get back to studying! haha.... =)
suddenly, i feel that there are many strangers around me. it seems we were friends before, but now, everything just changes. i can't help but muse at the uncertainty of change. change is good i believe. it's hard to imagine life as a constant. that'll be quite boring. however, one thing that strikes me is that people are bothering to keep up with appearances much. well, perhaps, life is always like that. we can't always expect the idyllic aspects of life.
many projects are upcoming. hopefully, they'll all go away soon and i concentrate on studying. whatever time that i have left. sigh... =(
Sunday, September 23, 2007
friendships. relationships.
as requested by dear ps, here am i! haha. firstly, i'm proud to announce that i've slept 8.5 hrs the night before! it's been a long time that i can have the luxury of at least 8 hours of sleep, even though, 7 hours is not that bad too. =)
yesterday's piano lesson was the usual, however, i seem to have lost my drive always after the exams. perhaps, the exams are rather far, so, i can relax, but, i will lose some of my motivation. =) haha. well, let me slack for a while. :p i hate rude students, and, i have this boy, who is showing real shit attitude towards me. well, it's my last lesson with him next week, and boy, am i gonna show shit attitude towards him. wonder how parents teach their kids these days. *despairs*
friendships is another form of relationships which i thought is relatively easier to manage then love relationships. however, the recent spate of events made me think otherwise. i've never thought that friendships is measured by the length of time you know another person. for example, does it mean that a friend i've known for 10 years should be more important then a friend i've known for a year, even though i seem to be able to share more things with this friend of a year. pardon me, but i've always thought that knowing another person is how unique lives are interwined this way. if i've met this person and we can share things together, eg, thoughts, ideas, feelings, doesn't it show how lucky we'll be able to become friends?
an incident happened to this friend of mine, and made me think, of friendships. they've known each other for about 8 years, and her friend accused her of treasuring friends she've known for less then 3 years then her of 8 years. to me, it's kind of stupid, when the things they are arguing about, of all, is about a guy. throwing a friendship for a guy, if u ask me, is pretty stupid... *groans* well, i'm really in no position to judge, perhaps, asking my friend's friend to be less selfish and think of my friend's point of view. *shakes head* although, i think that is unlikely to happen.
well, i'm not very capable of handling things in this particular department myself. however, i'm finding myself happier and lighter compared to previous semesters. what is happiness? perhaps, to me, it's simply, living for myself and not for others. not having to put on so much of a front. life is simpler this way. yes, i'm selfish, i want what's best for myself, well, i think, i have lived too much for others when they don't even give shit loads about me. :p haha, that's a little bias, well, i rather see less of people's "face colour" then giving my own "face colour". once again, my judgement about friendship, perhaps, our lives are not meant to be interwined.
my english is becoming poorer as the day passes. been speaking more mandarin then ever! aargh! i've been trying to articulate properly, it's my fear that i'll lose the ability to put sentences together! haha. well, it's happening bit by bit already... :(
anyway, the holidays, albeit, for a week, it's a much anticipated one for me. gonna go for many kbox sessions, movies, and of course, jogs, and sleep!!! a much dreaded quiz. BUT life's really great with the holidays!
ps, we are gonna go for kbox right??? haha.... miss mugging with u.... take care in US!!!
yesterday's piano lesson was the usual, however, i seem to have lost my drive always after the exams. perhaps, the exams are rather far, so, i can relax, but, i will lose some of my motivation. =) haha. well, let me slack for a while. :p i hate rude students, and, i have this boy, who is showing real shit attitude towards me. well, it's my last lesson with him next week, and boy, am i gonna show shit attitude towards him. wonder how parents teach their kids these days. *despairs*
friendships is another form of relationships which i thought is relatively easier to manage then love relationships. however, the recent spate of events made me think otherwise. i've never thought that friendships is measured by the length of time you know another person. for example, does it mean that a friend i've known for 10 years should be more important then a friend i've known for a year, even though i seem to be able to share more things with this friend of a year. pardon me, but i've always thought that knowing another person is how unique lives are interwined this way. if i've met this person and we can share things together, eg, thoughts, ideas, feelings, doesn't it show how lucky we'll be able to become friends?
an incident happened to this friend of mine, and made me think, of friendships. they've known each other for about 8 years, and her friend accused her of treasuring friends she've known for less then 3 years then her of 8 years. to me, it's kind of stupid, when the things they are arguing about, of all, is about a guy. throwing a friendship for a guy, if u ask me, is pretty stupid... *groans* well, i'm really in no position to judge, perhaps, asking my friend's friend to be less selfish and think of my friend's point of view. *shakes head* although, i think that is unlikely to happen.
well, i'm not very capable of handling things in this particular department myself. however, i'm finding myself happier and lighter compared to previous semesters. what is happiness? perhaps, to me, it's simply, living for myself and not for others. not having to put on so much of a front. life is simpler this way. yes, i'm selfish, i want what's best for myself, well, i think, i have lived too much for others when they don't even give shit loads about me. :p haha, that's a little bias, well, i rather see less of people's "face colour" then giving my own "face colour". once again, my judgement about friendship, perhaps, our lives are not meant to be interwined.
my english is becoming poorer as the day passes. been speaking more mandarin then ever! aargh! i've been trying to articulate properly, it's my fear that i'll lose the ability to put sentences together! haha. well, it's happening bit by bit already... :(
anyway, the holidays, albeit, for a week, it's a much anticipated one for me. gonna go for many kbox sessions, movies, and of course, jogs, and sleep!!! a much dreaded quiz. BUT life's really great with the holidays!
ps, we are gonna go for kbox right??? haha.... miss mugging with u.... take care in US!!!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
updates. updates. updates.
ok, it's not really that bad. updating my blog in like 3 weeks. haha. have been watching too much tv shows on youtube. much too much. :P well, not totally, i have been somewhat hardworking this semester, trying to do tutorials, admist ponning lectures. sigh, have been missing far too much classes this semester. it's not that i've lacked the drive as seen in previous semesters, on the contrary, i've been more hardworking. just lazy to go to school.
damn, it's the 179 queue all over again. i have to wake up 10 minutes earlier!!! just to be in sch in time. it doesn't use to be this way. sigh. 10 minutes is very previous to me! :P
have been watching movies like crazy this weeks. the recent ones i have caught are 1408, the bourne ultimatum, ratatouille, hairspray. my favourite one is hairspray! i just love musicals! the energy is infectious! haha, and, zac efron, is so cute! well, i love his eyes.... :P
juggling between music studies and piano is a little challenging right now. have not been practising as much as i should. hopefully, it's enough for the lesson later on. =)
my parents are in silk road now. juggling household chores, school, piano and tv time is definite very challenging. probably, that's why i have been forsaking school. sigh, i know it's wrong. i have to try to do work today!!! haha....
the holidays are around the corner. hopefully, get to go kbox at least once! there's a holiday spread in today's papers. haha, i feel so much like going to australia! =) well, but i don't think i have the company. :( oh wells... =)
work hard this semester :) you go girl!
*ps: miss you lots!
damn, it's the 179 queue all over again. i have to wake up 10 minutes earlier!!! just to be in sch in time. it doesn't use to be this way. sigh. 10 minutes is very previous to me! :P
have been watching movies like crazy this weeks. the recent ones i have caught are 1408, the bourne ultimatum, ratatouille, hairspray. my favourite one is hairspray! i just love musicals! the energy is infectious! haha, and, zac efron, is so cute! well, i love his eyes.... :P
juggling between music studies and piano is a little challenging right now. have not been practising as much as i should. hopefully, it's enough for the lesson later on. =)
my parents are in silk road now. juggling household chores, school, piano and tv time is definite very challenging. probably, that's why i have been forsaking school. sigh, i know it's wrong. i have to try to do work today!!! haha....
the holidays are around the corner. hopefully, get to go kbox at least once! there's a holiday spread in today's papers. haha, i feel so much like going to australia! =) well, but i don't think i have the company. :( oh wells... =)
work hard this semester :) you go girl!
*ps: miss you lots!
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