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sometimes it's really disappointing how people behave. perhaps, on our part, we shouldn't have force, but still.... sighs... i didn't know you very well but still, just wonder is it my "privilege" to see this side of you? actually something i rather do without

but still, it's good to see that others are doing well.

exams are coming.

so is my overseas trip.

let's clear them one by one.

sometimes, it's really easy to tell from one's behaviour. i have given up already. it's really tiring to go from having expectations to realising that it's all rubbish. from the show of why why love, if there's no expectations, means there's no hope. maybe i should just start living by this motto, or have i not already?

tired. tired of starting to feel tied down once again. sigh, i don't understand why u always have that effect of me. trying not to think that u are using me, yet it is so hard not to. perhaps, it really is just a coincidence that circumstances are always such that.

trying to find the motivation to understand complex concepts, do my homework, go to class. and yet, it is not there....

finally, all the quizzes are over for now.... i have not had so many quizzes in my entire uni life except for this semester. studying studying and studying. hopefully, i can pass today's quiz, but not completely sure that i can. sighs. the only thing that i can look forward to is not to fail that badly i guess.

still about school stuff, my presentation question for audit is out. sighs. more interactions with smart people again. it doesn't affect me as much as before, just that i hope to be able to study for my subjects and go to class peacefully without feeling so aargh!!

things are good now, really good :)

i don't know, i really don't know. i seem to think about you more often then not nowadays. it is even more so after i've seen you. however, it will die down the next day till i see you the next time. i don't think that i've fallen for you but just the kind of happiness that is hard to describe. however, i'm wondering if i'm suppressing what i can feel just because i'm afraid. anyway, i'm leaving everything for God to decide. not that affected by it yet, which i don't think i will unless you do something, which i know you will not. haha. don't really want any hinderance while i'm studying for now.... :)

it's really heart-warming when my students take the initiative to share part of their lives with me. it's even more heart-warming when the quiet ones even take the initiative to talk to me about their school lives. it's even more heart-warming when a new student trusts u completely to talk to u about their lives without asking. that is when i believe i have make a little difference in their lives. most important of all, i just want them to achieve their potential in piano playing... :)

sigh. i hate to thing about this issue. damn. don't understand why this issue will subconsciously creep into my thoughts... GO AWAY! I DON'T NEED YOU! God, I believe in You.

the holidays are coming to an end. and i have not studied all that i'm suppose to study. not that i'm feeling particulary down about it. and tutorials not done yet, and not that i'm particulary panicky about it too... so remind me once again, why am i still in school?

to a better topic. i'm going to france and london! haha.... i can feel a big hole burning in my pocket. well, so be it! i want to enjoy myself before working... *wide grin*

sometimes, i wish that u can see our friendship from both perspectives, instead of thinking that you are the one that needs pity all the time. perhaps, sparing a thought for me, my upbringing and family considerations instead of passing jibes at me all the time. i can take all of it, but my patience has a limit and it's enough already. if you did not go all sacarstic on me, i would not have been pissed by you at all. i'm at much fault too. i shouldn't promise so much when i could not carry out, but must you go all out to be sacarstic to me all the time. i have a life, perhaps, go find yours too, i'm an alone kind of person, if i have to literally spell it out to you.

sigh, perhaps, a good friend gone once more.... :(

sometimes, when i look at the whole situation, i want to laugh. i will not make myself foolish for a stupid guy. enough said....

so it all boils down to this. we have all grown up and matured. we can't say stupid and meaningless things like "we don't care anymore" simply, how much does it mean? i really can't judge much about another person, but, i wonder if people always think out of the box, stop thinking of the world around them, but think for others at times...

alright, enough about that. this always happens. the hopeful me always hope that things could be different each time, that i don't have to always be the one to take the first step regardless of who is in the wrong. yet, each time round, i'm always the one... i don't mind simply because u are. just that u don't often see it. i'll get heartache everytime yet, i don't see that in you. have u stopped caring a little each time?

when i've decided to stop having good feelings towards u, i've stopped. and yet, i heard something today that made me change my mind a little. haha, if it turns out well, then good, if not, then God has other plans. but i can't help but smile :)